He looked scary, didn't know what he was doing, drunk, high and on cocaine, I'd never experienced what a drug like that would to your body, I'd never seen it. His were rolling, he could barely stand his words weren't making any sense. I told him to go back downstairs but he closed his bedroom door and locked it from the inside.
His low voice came back into my ear, “I know that you want this. Just relax. Nothing will hurt if you relax.” My mind told my body to go numb as I thought to myself, don’t be stupid, of course you don’t want to be in pain.
That was a lie. As soon as I felt the pain, something in my brain reconnected and I pushed away as hard as I could which was difficult seeing as he’s 200 pounds of muscle.
But there was a different feeling rising in me that quickly numbed out all others. It was fear. Absolute terror came over me. I realized that this man has absolute control over my body at this point. There are no words that can stop him.
But still, I feel like it was my fault. I shouldn't have got that drunk. I shouldn't have kissed him. And at the same time, I feel like maybe I'm just making a big deal out of nothing.
What happened still affects me, and truthfully, it always will. I need you to know what you did was not ok. I wrote this because it was the easiest way for me to address the situation. I honestly just needed you to know what you did to me, how wrong you were, and the impact it has had."
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’m sure neither of you have noticed the lack of access you have to my social media as I have blocked you on all of it. I am a part of your past now,
I don’t know where to begin. There is so much to say. As i even think about letting my fingers type my thoughts, Im growing to become more tense and more scared. There is so much that i want to
Know this happened at the Pennsylvania State University, at the frat DKE. I was 18 years old. —————————————————————————————————————————————————— Nail biting. A nasty nervous habit I have had since I can remember. I guess you could say I am a nervous
Hi, my name is Erica. On November 4th, 2008, the day the results of the presidential election were announced, I was sexually assaulted. It was a Tuesday night. Myself and a couple of friends were at “The Irish Times,” across
It's all very hazy to me now as it was a few years back but I remember not wanting to do it,I couldn't say no because I was afraid of the reaction I would get and I didn't say yes either.
We were sitting over the bath and I kept saying I didnt want to but I wasnt fighting him, I was so drunk that I couldn't control myself although i was feeling fine if you can understand.
I went through the worst experience of my life and it took many, many things from me. It took my happiness for over a year, I lost my salaried job, I lost my apartment, I wasn't able to attend classes regularly, I didn't want to leave bed… everything reminded me of what happened and I feared running into him or his friends.
Most people enjoy highschool, its hanging out with friends, and partys and not alot of worries, but for me , it was a living hell.
Rape isn’t always what you think it should be. Rape isn’t always dramatic, or always violent. When I was raped, I didn’t even really think to call it that at first. I wasn’t consenting. I didn’t want it to happen. I knew that much. But rape? Rape is loud. Rape is bloody. Rape is jarring. Or so I thought.
I thought this was going to be the start of something great. High school was going to be great! This ended up being the worst night of my life and little did I know it would stay with me forever.
I took to googling things such as 'is it rape if she's drunk?' in order to make myself feel less alone, less like a fraud. I thought I was a fraud. Surely I was asking for it? I mean, I'd let him kiss me. I'd let him take me down to the car park.
He asked me if I wanted some beer or lemonade. I said beer, trying to impress him. I drank a large bottle of beer and I felt fine. It was around 7 p.m and a lot of people had already left. He and I were getting touchy feely and he told me he wanted to tell me something. He held my hand and led me to his room. I sat on his bed and he told me that I was really hot and that he really liked me.
I watched the documentary Audrie and Daisy today. It hit me like a ton of bricks. When I heard their stories and watched their tears fall I knew exactly how they felt. I was them. I am them. When I was 17 I was raped.
It is March 2nd 2017 and today the news is filled with the story of an intoxicated and unconscious woman who was raped by a cab driver in Halifax, Canada. The rape was witnessed by a police officer. Yet the Judge still acquitted the rapist. I am angry every time I hear of cases where rapists get away and victim blaming is rampant. This one, however, hit home. The situation is so much like mine.
I shouldn't have let a guy buy me drinks. I shouldn't have agreed to a hug. I shouldn't have let that happen. Why did I laugh? Why didn't I leave. Why didn't I tell anyone? Why can't I sleep? Why me? I wasn't alone and I stayed with my friends. Everyone just acted like this was okay.
For the longest time I had a regret and blamed myself. I didn't realize until now that I couldn't have done anything differently besides for being more careful of what I drank. I realized it wasn't my fault.
I don’t want to have to tell people and feel their judging eyes stare at me while I talk, and I feel guilty that I wasn’t held at gun point against my will. I feel like I could have stopped it at any time and I didn’t so that makes me just as wrong. I know thats not true I really do and if someone else told me their story and it matched mine word for word I would tell them over and over it wasn't their fault and that should have never happened to you, you have no reason to feel ashamed and I would truly believe it.
I am sitting here, and a perpetrator is being inaugurated into the presidency, in the United States. I can not function today. I needed to tell my story somewhere because starting last night I kept waking up with these numbers repeating over and over again, my own thoughts and my own story jolting me throughout the night. And today, a day where I can not move. I am frozen.
We went out with friends, and we both had been drinking. I was really tired and went straight to bed when we got home about 3 am. She was not having it. She pulled off my jeans and I was
I was only 15 at the time and I’ve still been unable to tell anyone this. I was invited to a “party” with my then boyfriend and his friends. When we got to his friends house, no one was there
If I was placed in a room with him, I wouldn't be scared. I can deal with him, I can put up with him. The thing that would scare me, would be myself. I don't think that I could sit there, while he is blissfully unaware of the immense pain he has released inside me, like a drug, however with the opposite effect; a drug that hasn't left my body since that night.
At that moment in time I didn't even care about what had just happened to me because I was just so focused on trying to help my friend, trying all I could to wake her up but I couldn't move. It was like I was in a room full of people and I was screaming but no one could hear me.
But, Trump's "just kiss. Don't wait" guy talk shit or whatever we want to call it is a REAL problem and a REAL attitude men have. I can draw a direct parallel with my first experience. All through being touched inappropriately in ways I did NOT want, did NOT consent to, and was physically struggling to get away from, I was told over and over "I told you I fancied you, just give me one kiss, just one kiss, come on."
I know now that I am no longer alone. Yes, this is still very much an uphill battle, but I don’t want to hide anymore. I shouldn't be ashamed of what happened to me because it wasn't my fault. There is this idea about a grey area when it comes to consent and alcohol. There is no grey area, if someone is unconscious, or not in there right state of mind this is NOT consent. Unless someone gives you full consent to proceed, you don’t.
I need you to know that everyday is an intense battle to get out of bed, to act normal, to try and make it through the day without a breakdown. I need you to know that I will forever have internal scars and self harm scars. I need you to know that this has changed my entire life and that I will never be the same person again.
When people talk about rape, they often think rape steals your innocence. For me, rape and sexual abuse atole everything! It stole my entire childhood. It stole my friends and my family. It stole my dreams. It ultimately made me drop out of school. Ive destroyed my body and have scars all over both thighs and from my wrist to my forearm on one arm.
For a long time this experience has bothered me. I'm ashamed of myself. I saw myself as the most culpable–I got wasted in public and in such a condition left my sober friend, I willingly got in his car when I should have known better, I decided of my own free will that I would rather have sex with him than stay indefinitely at his house, I tried to act like I wanted to be with him during the act, I tried to perform. It still makes me feel incredibly dirty.
I sat down and he walked over to the television and put on a porn video and asked if I was ok with it and I said yes so he left me there while he went to fix us a drink.as I sat there watching his TV he came in and sat next to me and handed me a glass of gin which I soon gulped down then he started talking about sex and by this time I was real drunk and that's when it all changed as he pinned me down on the sofa and started kissing me
At the age of 14 my friends were all older by atleast a year and all sexually active which meant I felt like there was something wrong with me. I went with two of them to a party with a
All names in this story have been changed to protect the privacy of the survivor and the other individuals involved. I’ve struggled with this for a long time. It’s been 6.5 years. I have talked to a very select few
Last winter, myself, my friend, her boyfriend at the time and his mate were all in the park smoking weed. It was late and me and my friend had met them after the two of us had been to our
I’ve seen all the controversy towards rape & just wanted to share my story. Mine wasn’t horrific, but it made me think. Heading for a night out, and I had been ‘pre-drinking’ with friends but wasn’t too drunk, just a
And now months and months later I am trying to heal myself, heal the scars on my body, and the torment and flashbacks that haunt my thought. I am trying to feel peace, because I will kill myself believing my worth is only In sexually pleasing a man. I feel really small sometimes, and do feel worthless still sometimes, mostly I am ashamed that this has happened, embarrassed, and broken. But this is a first step, and now I am letting strength back into my life, and proving those thoughts I have wrong. I don't want to be depressed all the time, I want to lead a normal healthy life & me writing this is me taking the first step of that journey
I remember sitting in the shower, and not being able to cry, I was so in shock over what had happened. It didn’t even occur to me right away what that was. I just wanted to keep showering. I wanted the water to be hot enough that it would wash my skin off, so I could be someone else. I envisioned my skin washing off like paint and running down the drain, I wanted to be someone else. Someone who could never ever be in that position. I wanted to be someone who could remember what happened.