SaoirSe Story: I Was Only Ten

I was ten years old when this happened to me. My cousins have a 4th of July party every year. Me and my mom had gone the year before so we decided to go again this year. We set off fireworks in the street, ate food and just hung out. At the party there where a lot of people I didn’t know. Including my cousins’ friends/neighbors nephew. I had never met him and neither had my cousins. Later me and my cousins made a bed on their couch and we watching tv until we fell asleep. My cousins were already asleep and I was close to doing the same. I was laying there when he started to touch me. I didn’t know what was going on but I knew it was bad. So I froze. I layed there silently sobbing while he did this to me. While this happened to me my other cousin came in with someone else and he ran away before getting caught. I layed there absolutely stunned. I was freaked. Somehow I managed to fall asleep only to be woken up by him carrying me to the other couch so he could touch me more. He put me on the couch facing away from him. And I layed there more stunned than before just sobbing. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what this was and that it happened to people. Then my mom came in and he ran away again. She found me and she brought be into my younger cousins room so she could get ready for bed. So I sat on his bed not knowing anything. My brain had so many thoughts but none at the same time. While I was sitting there I heard my mom outside. Then I heard someone coming up the stairs and I knew it was him. I ran to the door and pushed as hard as I could against it. But he was stronger. He got the door open and I ran down the stairs past him. While I ran I heard him slam the door In frustration. I ran as fast as I could outside to find my mom. I found her and sat on her lap. While sitting there the man came outside. He came to the bonfire that we were around. He talked for a while. Then he decided to go back inside. But he didn’t he stood by my older cousins truck beckoning for me to come over by him. I didn’t know what had just happened to me but I knew that he was a bad man and that my mom was the safest person for me to be with. So I stayed. He eventually got frustrated and left. Later my mom took me upstairs again and we went to bed. In the morning I woke up and went on my cousins trampoline where one of my cousins was sitting. We both sat on yoga balls and talked. I told him I had something that I thought I should tell him. He didn’t pressure me but I decided to tell him what happened. He didn’t say anything. We sat in silence until my other cousin came on the trampoline and I told him. At first he said that it was just a dream. Then we made eye contact and I guess he could see the pain in my eyes. He said exactly what I needed to hear in that
moment. After talking for a while I asked him if I should tell my mom. He said yes. So I went upstairs to find my mom and I told her. She contacted the police, her best friend and my dad and told them what I told her. It’s three and a half years later and he is still not arrested because he lives in Canada and I live in the U.S. This eats me up everyday knowing that he’s still out there. But I have found comfort in the #metoo movement but also anger. And that anger is fueling my will to fight for everyone this has happened to. It’s not fair and never will be. Somehow my little ten year old self knew I had to speak up. And I’m glad I did. Everyone has a fight to fight and this is mine. And I know I will keep fighting.