R’s Story

It was 14 years ago. I was 18. It was three weeks before college.

My parents went out of town. I invited a few friends over. One of them was “J,” a 21 year old coworker and longtime friend. I had never been a big partier. I had only been drunk once before. I was a virgin.

I drank too much. I flirted with him. I made out with him. But then I said goodnight, put on my pajamas, and went to sleep.

I woke up to him on top of me. Inside me. I was face down. I knew what was happening, but I couldn’t move. I just passed out again.

I pretended it never happened. I was confused. I didn’t tell anyone.

I went to college. I tried to kill myself. I ended up in and out of mental hospitals. I still never told anyone.

We had friends in common, so I continued seeing him over the next few years. I finally told a mutual friend of ours. I said “I think J raped me.” She said “Oh yeah, he does that sometimes.” I never told anyone else.

It’s been 14 years. I want to talk about it. I want to heal. I just don’t know how.