My Story: He Thought Because We Were Dating That What He Did Was Okay

He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, someone I believed I could trust. I was only 15. He was 16, it was summertime and we were at his house, kissing I was wearing loose shorts since I was told we were going to the pool. He got on top of me and I knew something was wrong. He was putting all of his weight on me kissing my neck, I asked if he could get off multiple times because I was feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t listen and instead told me to relax. I tried to push him off as I was having a panic attack. He pushed my shorts to the side and inserted himself into me. I screamed and i was in shock. I was crying telling him to stop, to get off me, to let me go. All I remember is how much it hurt, how it felt like sandpaper. I finally pushed him off and ran outside of his house. I thought someone would hear me, but no-one did. After the incident I felt dirty, I felt ashamed of letting that happen to me. He never apologized but instead told people if I told anyone he would expose my secrets and tell everyone that id done unspeakable things with him. Me being the naive 15 year old stuck with him. I isolated myself from my friends, even from my family because of how dirty I felt. He would continue to sexually abuse me every chance he got, and every time id say I didn’t want to he would threaten me, or threaten to kill himself and make it seem like I was the reason. I left him after dating for a few more months, he told me that he told everyone that I was dirty and a whore. The one thing I got out of our breakup was his confession. He confessed that he raped me and I got it on tape. I turned it into the police soon after, and now 7 months later, nothing is happening to him. He’s not being punished, he’s ruined my reputation to the point that I had to switch schools for the excessive sexual harassment I was receiving. The police take a rapists side instead of a victims side. I wish I could tell people what happened to me, but I’m afraid the police will get involved again, since they threatened me if I ever posted the recording. I have gone to therapy for reoccurring nightmares, I feel I can never date again. He’s going to go through his life punishment free while I have a burden in mine. The cops gave me no justice, so I felt that the most closure I could get was to share my story. Thank you. ,

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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