My Story: He doesn’t realize he even did it

I was 13 years old it was the summer of 2015. I went to camp with my boyfriend of about 8 months. We spent 4 days with his grandfather at their camp where there was no cell service. The first night was great we had slept in the same bed and cuddle. The second night he wanted to have sex which we had done once before because he kept wanting to. This time I didn’t want to though and I said no then he had gotten on top of me. I told him no repeatedly but he pulled my shirt down and started anyways. I continued to try and push him off of me and kept telling him no he was beginning to stare me. Then he told me to stop cause he knew I like it and that put me into complete fear and I just laid their hoping he’d end soon and get off I could say anything at this point cause I was scared. After this I rolled over and laid there for the rest of the night scared to sleep next to him. The 2 days I tried to act like everything was normal and then his mom came to pick us up and bring us home. I kept quiet about everything and broke up with this boy a few months later. I told a friend about it and they said he didn’t mean it your taking it out of proportion so I believed them and got back together with this boy until it became abusive. He would spit on me and call me names when he didn’t like what I did or said and I thought he doesn’t mean it he loves me still so I continued to stay with him until I couldn’t take it. Then I broke up with him and about 2 years later in 2017 I met a boy we were dating and he wanted to have sex but I was to scared to because the last time I did I didn’t want to. That hurt mine and that guys relationship because their was a lot I didn’t want to do cause I was scared but I didn’t want to talk about why. So now it’s 2018 I see that boy everyday and think about how that boy raped me and hurt me I struggle threw a lot still to this day but he’s living his life happy and he thinks he never did a thing wrong I’m just the bitch who ruined his life