M’s Story: i trusted you

Growing up, I had the perfect life, the perfect family. We had family holidays together, with my grandmother, my aunts and uncles, and all my cousins. Before each holiday, my cousins and I would stay the night at my grandmothers. My oldest cousin is 4 years older than me. Growing up, this cousin, L, was the only boy cousin that seemed to enjoy my company. At family holidays, he was the only cousin that wanted to spend time with me and include me in games. Beginning in middle school, L would start touching me and testing the boundaries to see how far he could go without me saying anything. This eventually got to the point that one of the nights before a holiday, L came into the room I was sleeping in and took my clothes off. My family is a very religious and conservative family, so I did not know about sex and what is okay and what is not okay. I did not know that it was wrong I just thought that this is what guys do to you when they love you. All he kept saying was “I love you” and “I shouldn’t be doing this.” After that night, he did that two more times. One more right before a holiday, and another at his house when I stayed with them while my family were out of town. He moved the end of his senior year. After I learned what he did to me and I understood what it was, I broke down. I started drinking and smoking weed. I didn’t tell anyone what happened. I got into a serious relationship during my Junior and Senior year with an emotionally abusive boyfriend. It was not a good relationship, and I believed the only way to show someone that you loved them was having sex with them, even if I didn’t want to. During high school, I was depressed and thought multiple times about running away and suicide. My relationship with my family was strained. Recently, I got into a healthy relationship with someone who is supportive and has helped me with my meetings with my therapist. I told my therapist and she has really helped me with understanding that it was not my fault and it was just a bad thing that happened to me.