Molly’s Story: He Said He Had a Reputation to Uphold

A few years back I was excited to see one of my favorite bands live. After the show I was talking to some like minded folk about music and such as I don’t have much in common with people where I’m from. That’s when I encountered the monster that is S. He happened to be a friend of the band and offered to get me to meet them. He seemed nice enough so I obliged and joined him at a nearby bar where a few members of the band were hanging out. He seemed like someone nice to have as a friend and a contact even though I didn’t get to meet the band that night so I gave him my number to keep in touch. I’ve made several acquaintances at concerts so this was the norm for me. I’ve let people I met at shows crash at my hotel and stayed in others rooms which looking back now I realize was probably not the smartest idea but I was lucky up until this point to have made some long lasting friendships. So when S invites me to go back to his place and talk music and watch a movie I didn’t think much of it. He assured me he had a reputation to uphold as he was an important member of the Chicago music circle. Things went normal when I got to his place. I went to use the rest room at one point. When I returned I couldn’t find him. Suddenly I was pushed down onto his bed from behind. I froze. In my head I kept thinking I could stop it before it went to far but I didn’t even comprehend what was happening until he was inside me. This all happened in roughly two minutes. As soon as he was on top of me he started bragging about how once he saw me he knew he had to say whatever it took to get me to go off with him. He bragged how he’d been with 100’s of women and how I should consider myself lucky that I got to sleep with him. He kept repeating the name of his band and how important he was while he was on top of me. I just went numb. The only thing I could do was go along with it. To this day I still blame myself for not stopping him and do t know why I let him go so far. Why I didn’t try to run or leave. Anything. It wasn’t until I told a friend 5 years later that I realized what had happened was rape even if I never said no or went along with it after it happened. After years of therapy and medication I’m healing and no longer blame myself. I felt it was important to come forward though as I believe I’m not his only victim. Certain things bothered me about his place as he had little girls items like Hello Kitty around and to my knowledge he has no daughter. Also after the incident he told me a story of a “friend” of his who he had slept with that was creepy where he revealed afterwards he slept with a girl he had no clue she’d been a virgin. I didn’t want to come forward but after telling an acquaintance word got back to him and instead of denying it he said he couldn’t figure out who it could be and wanted a name. A few weeks ago I had a dream where a teenage girl confronted me and said he’d started touching her when she was 8. Even if it was just a dream I am taking it as a sign from the universe that it’s time to share my story of that awful night in 2008 that forever changed my life. Luckily today I’m married and have a very supportive husband who encouraged me to write this. We just welcomed our second daughter and He thought it wouldn’t be fair to them if I didn’t share this story to out him. These men need to be outed so we can change the world for our daughters to grow up in. I want other survivors to know that it does get better and my life couldn’t be happier now. However I will NEVER be able to listen to that band or anything even closely related to that genre of music he was associated with again. It makes me sick to my stomach. That’s the one thing he took away from me but other than that Isabel taken back control of my life.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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