Mikayla’s Story: I Lost Everything, But He Didn’t

October 24th, 2015 sits heavy in my soul and forever will. It was the first night I had more than one drink in college. It was the first night I went to a house party. It was the night I was raped.

Starting from the beginning I was having a blast my freshman year of college, I was never into drinking but all my new, cool, fun friends were so I decided I might give it a try. We started drinking Fleishman’s vodka and blue Gatorade. I had a couple drinks with my friends and we decided to go to a house party.

We got to the party and danced and chatted with all the other party-goers, it was then that I saw an old friend from high school. We got along so I was excited to see him there and my friends ended up hanging out with his group of friends for the remainder of the night.

We walked back to campus but my friends wanted to go to taco bell and I was not feeling well and had drank a lot. The same friend from the party said it would be fine if I crashed on his futon. (knowing he knew I had a boyfriend and that I had known him since the 6th grade) I decided that it would be the best for me to head back with someone I trusted.

We got back to his dorm and I laid on the futon while my head spun in circles. I asked for water but the next thing I knew I was being dragged up into a lofted bed. I remember asking “hey what are you doing?” and “that really hurts my arm.” But he did not say anything-he just laughed at me.

He ripped my pants off and pulled my underwear down. Then his penis was inside me. Pinning me down-one hand on my hip and the other on my hair. I cried out in pain and tears started falling from my eyes but I felt paralyzed. Then he threw my feet up forward my face and I kicked myself in the head and knocked my head into the wall so hard I could see stars.

Once he was finished with me he pushed me aside and said “thanks Mikayla that was fun.”

I laid there crying and couldn’t move my body it felt like my body was shattering into a million little pieces and I had to grab them all before I could move again. I did not know what had just happened. I have never felt more disgusting in my life and just thinking about it makes my skin crawl and makes me want to take immediately clean myself from what has happened to me.

After maybe five or so minutes I pulled up my pants and while doing so I saw bruises covering my left hip and as I started to sit up I felt a sharp pain in my vagina. I started crying again.

I finally crawled my way out of the loft and was trying to get as far away as possible when I looked down I saw that his roommate had been there the entire time. I was so confused.

I walked back to my dorm and the sun was just coming up. I did not know what to do. I FELT SO ASHAMED. All I thought was, “what just happened?” “Did I cheat on my boyfriend?” “Am I going to get pregnant?” “Do I call the cops?”
Right then my phone buzzed. It was from him. “I bet your boyfriend would be upset if he found out what a dirty slut you are.” I started shaking. I immediately threw up. I was not even back to my dorm yet.

Once I was back. I grabbed my shower caddy and walked to the bathroom I had to wash him off me I had to get clean. I got in the shower and couldn’t even stand-I had never felt so much pain. I double over and sat on the floor and cried.(and if you don’t know how dirty a communal bathroom is at a college campus you are lucky because they are GROSS) I had to go home that day. I was seeing my parents who were in the middle of a separation. I also had plans with my boyfriend later that day.

My friends were knocking on my dorm door when I got back. I tried to calm myself down saying it was just in my head and that everything was fine. But my mind was racing.. I did not know my new friends that well and I really wanted them to like me.

Two of my friends were making the commute back home with me. They noticed something was up but didn’t ask. I didn’t eat much while I was home. I didn’t do much at all.

What I did do is tell my boyfriend that I thought I cheated on him.

He told me to get out of his life and so I left and I did not know what to do- I was so ashamed and embarrassed and confused.

I got home and told my mom it was about time I headed back. My friends and I went back to campus.

When we arrived. I unpacked my belongings. Sat down and started to panic. Upon sitting in essentially the same room that I had been raped is when I had the realization that I was terrified for my life. All I could think is, “what if he comes back.” And “I am not safe here.”

It was around midnight. I called my mom and told her I thought I was raped. She started crying. Then I started crying. She drove campus and picked me up. We talked about what to do and decided we should go to the police station. We got there and they said “that’s no matter for us go to campus police.” So that’s what we did.

We took campus police back to my dorm and they took everything that I had worn that night. I didn’t take those clothes home because I had originally planning on throwing it all away. They took my clothes and then told us to meet them at the campus police building. When we arrived I told a male “officer” everything that had happened. He didn’t say much. He didn’t even write it down.

Next we went to the hospital. They told me I needed to get a rape kit and that I needed to take a plan b, and some stuff for potential STDs. I was terrified. They first gave me all the pills then proceeded to what felt like interrogated me about my sexual history-because that was somehow relevant. My mom held my hand as they stuck the metal into me and swabbed for evidence. They photographed my bruises and documented all the other evidence. They found extreme tearing in my vagina and tears. It was getting close to 3:00 AM. They also had a victims advocate there and that was really nice and so was my nurse-in fact the following day we brought her flowers for being so amazing.

After that they told me to come back to campus police and then I told the same male officer and a female officer in training what had happened. She jotted things down as I talked. Then they said that’s all they needed and I could go.

I was exhausted. We went back to the dorm to sleep. My mom and I laid on the futon. I didn’t sleep.

The next day we met my dad and told him what happened. He couldn’t look at me. He cried.

My mom and I spent the day together. Then I got another text. “bitch what were you thinking. I didn’t touch you.” I was so afraid of the messages he was sending and that my mom would see so I deleted them.

I cried more.

I cant even remember how long it took for the campus police to get back to me it still is foggy. But I do know that when they did call back the said-
“sorry but it is a he said she said case, we questioned your friends and they didn’t have much to say. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

I was so upset.
My mom was so upset.
I missed two and a half month of my first semester in college.
Ended up retaking two of those classes.

BUT.
I am here today and I am ok, I am living each day knowing that I am strong. And that all men and women who have been effected by this ARE STRONG and you are SURVIVORS.

Peace & much love to you all.