Mickey’s Story: undocumented

It was something that I wouldn’t have ever thought would have happened that day. It was a fun day right? A group of 6 friends hanging out smoking weed joking, smoking. I can remember [D] suggesting we go on a hike then go back and drink at [C]’s house. So we did, we went up to Anderson park Me, [S], [C], [A], [D], and [G]. We all went up to the mountains hiked smoked and chilled. Around 5 O’clock pm [C] called his mom to pick us up and go to his house. We had just barely gotten to his house when [G] suggested we start drinking so he got his bottle of vodka right from his black backpack he had been walking around with all day. We drank the whole bottle. I can recall [C]’s Mom knocking on the door letting us know she was going out, she had a problem of her own. She left. [S] and [A] both were talking about getting some more alcohol from the store but [G] had offered to just take one of [C]’s moms bottles from the liquor cabinet. So they did, I was sitting in the room with [D] and we were talking I can’t remember what about but then [G] interrupts to take another shot. I repeatedly told him I was already done for the night and so was [D]. But he insisted, I gave into the pressure and took the shot. Worst decision of my life. About maybe 20 minuets later I started feeling strange, off, definitely not drunk or high off weed. I couldn’t put my finger on it at that time so I ended up laying down on [C]’s bed while everyone was still up and chilling smoking the volcano vape. Then it happened, you were pulling up my shirt in front of everyone all I can recall I was frozen. I was scared, I didn’t know what was happening. I remember looking at [D] and [S] in complete utter shock. [S] and [A] left the room, they knew this was wrong.. I said no. I pushed. I struggled. I was screaming no at you I wasn’t strong enough. [D] and [C] just watched as you held me down. As you pulled my pants down, you told me I deserved it. You told me I had given you signals all day. I was a virgin I didn’t give you the permission to take that from me. It wasn’t yours to take. You forced yourself on me as [D] and [C] told you to stop. You continued. You told them to get out as you held my neck down. I think we were all low key afraid of you. As no one did nothing as I was lying there naked, drunk while your own friend took advantage of me I just gave in. All I remember is closing my eyes as tight as I could hoping it would just end.. and it did, you finished I was so disgusted and could hardly process what you had just done to me. I couldn’t understand why a “friend” would do such a thing. I couldn’t get up so I just laid there and cried. Eventually [D] came in and had helped me clean myself and get dressed. She didn’t say a word to me, nothing. Neither did I, not a word. She walked me home as I lived then about half a mile from [C]’s house. As I got home I showered, took so long trying to scrub all remnants of him. I scrubbed till my skin was raw. I silently cried in the bathroom leaning up against the door, I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I couldn’t let it go. But I did. I just buried it deep, deep into my soul. Until now. Almost 10 years ago you did this to me, and you got away I regret it every day because I’m afraid of what you could possibly do to another person. I believe you had the intention to do this to me as I believe you drugged me. With what, only you know. But I know if I had just not taken that shot maybe this would have never happened. Maybe I wouldn’t have to live with this stone in my soul. But nearly 10 years later and I came across your profile on my “people you may know” and I just lost it. You took such a large piece from me and I’ll never get it back. I cannot stand watching you live your life happily knowing what Demons you have hidden in your closet. I can only move on from here. Learn from my past trauma and become stronger and more resilient. When that happens only then I’ll truly be able to heal. You no longer have that power over me.