Mery’s Story: I had lost everything that night

I’m just an Italian girl, I have no one.. no family, no friends, except for my dog. I saved her from a dog shelter and now she is saving me in every way possible… I was born in a family where no one wanted me, I was only a mistake, basically. My father was an alcoholic and he used to beat me up every single night. I still remember the day when this was no longer enough for him… I was hiding in my room, pretended to sleep. I remember the sound of the door slamming so hard to made me jump.. I remember him, his hands caressing my hair and his voice telling me to be his little angel. That night my father taught me how you can die.. He took away everything I had.. I was 7 and since then he never stopped. Now I’m 20.. My mom left me when I was little, I don’t even remember her… Over the time he raped me with his friends and one day I thought that if I had lost so much weight as to become invisible, my dad and his friends would no longer raped me and so I stopped eating and became anorexic. I was 62 kilos when I started and about two months later I was 48 kilos and I’m 5’8″. But I was right. I disgusted him. He was so angry that broke me three ribs and cut all of my hair. This happened five months ago. I decided that was time to report him to the police and so I did it, but before they could take him, he kills himself in front of me. I went in a DCA clinic but my experience wasn’t so positive. I was raped again by the keeper. After leaving prior from the clinic, I found out that I was pregnant. I decided to give the baby up for adoption, but after three months I lost him. I have done all kind of jobs in order to live, then, you know, bad encounters and I ended up in a bad lap where I was forced to proustite myself. Now I’m out of it. I adopted Lia, my dog, I have a job that permits me to have an apartment and not damn myself to arrive at the end of the month. I still hate myself but I’m working on it…
I’m only 20 but I feel so much older and I’m so afraid of everything… everyday is a battle to go out of the house..
It’s the first time I talk about it..
I hope to get better one day..
Mery.