Lily’s Story: I Still Haven’t Told Anyone

I was 21 at the time and on holiday this was about 7 years ago now, I’ve never told anyone about it. For some reason it’s been really affecting me in the last month. Me and my friend’s had been out to a club that night and were heading to get a burger. I admit that sometimes I get drunk and lose some memories but not this night. I felt quite sober, clearly remember ordering a diet coke while the two girls I was with both got burgers. Then bang memory gone. My friend said I just disappeared, they don’t know where I went but I’ve never probed much as I was in denial. I can only assume something was in the diet coke? I don’t know what happened then, all I know is I woke up or my memory switched back on and I was in the back of a car, it was now light outside. There was a man there and I kind of remember him trying to make me touch his penis or something, still so groggy at that point though and I felt like I couldn’t move, like I had frozen in shock. I also have a flashback of him being behind me at some point trying to force himself in but I think that was before. He was big, old, hairy and from the country that I was on holiday in. I remember kind of trying to wrestle him away, he let me leave the car. I was lost in the middle of know where. There was only a kind of DIY store I remember walking around there for a while still out of it. I knew I felt violated. I found a road sign and headed in what I thought was the right direction. I was walking for ages and finally a local offered to help (probably because I was crying and looked a mess) and I got back to my hotel about mid day. My friend’s were worried about where the hell I had disappeared to. I just told them that I met someone. I went to the toilet and could tell that someone had been there, I could tell that someone had forcibly had sex with me. Later that day I also got cystitis. I guess because I don’t remember the act of sex, I’ve always told myself that it didn’t happen but I think recently when its been coming to my mind, I realised that this has actually happened and he did rape me. Its so hard to deal with on my own.