Laiba story: The 14 year Old Sexual Abuse Survivor Story

For me writing this is getting justice because in the society we live getting this justice is as impossible as breathing without air. My name is Laiba just Laiba. My surname does not define me in any shape or form as this is not “just” my father’s name is the name of my abuser I never go by the name waseem because it’s his name it fills me up with flashback and anger. When I was 9 my father sexually abused me. In order to do so he groomed me knowing I would go to any extent to gain this mans love I wanted to be daddies little angel. He groomed me by making me watch indecent videos (porn) making me witness my mother’s rape and buying me so many things and giving me money. The abuse carried on till I was 11 he started off with inappropriate touching but slowly it turned to rape that’s me at 14 telling you it’s rape as a 9 year old I would never have known it’s rape not know what sex was defined us. When he started the rape it hurt it hurt but I loved him I though it was special attention cos it was being given to my mother. I started anlysing him as a husband. he never told me not to tell anyone I just knew to to which caused me to tell nobody till 13 after 2 years of him leaving I told the person that my trust invested it and the police was notified and then later I found out lack of evidence he was getting away with it that broke me I was sent to hospital it was just to much for me he was around other young girls that broke me I blamed myself to an extent where I started self harming to take his dirty blood out of me i thought its my fault but today I can stay it’s not my fault I was a child and he was the adult and I have learnt to stop telling myself that I have his dirty blood inside me I grew the courage to stop self harming because he didn’t deserve to be my cause. My mother’s cases were cos he emotionally physically sexually abused for her it was she wasnt fit to give trial he trumatised her so much stole upto 20,00 from her we stayed in jackets for week during winter cos he refused to turn heating on when he got cold he turned it on for his room that’s what this man did to us but the effects stay til this day my mum has to pay for loans til this day he did on his name and he isn’t divorcing her still over powering his control over her she is here for her kids smiling she is so strong. My message today is to give hope I came out of it I am still in the process of moving on it takes time but writing this is me being strong I am only 14 but I hope to help someone with my voice.