K’s Story: I Wish the Worst for Him

Last winter, myself, my friend, her boyfriend at the time and his mate were all in the park smoking weed. It was late and me and my friend had met them after the two of us had been to our friend’s leaving party. After about an hour in the park, the police turned up, they searched us and somehow found nothing, shaken I wanted to leave the park. I rang my mum and she was at her boyfriends but said we could go back to hers.

When we got back we drank and smoked for about another hour before heading to bed. There are 2 bedrooms in my house, we were all in one and my friend asked me if she could stay in that room with her boyfriend and if her boyfriends mate could stay in my room. “He’s not like that he wont try anything” are the words she said which have continued to haunt me. I made him a bed on my floor and I slept in my bed, fully clothed. I woke up in the middle of the night to him standing up starting to get out of his bed, I thought nothing of it just maybe he was going to the loo and rolled over and continued to sleep. The next thing I woke up to was his fingers down my trousers and inside of me. I tried rolling over again in attempt for him to stop but he just moved his hand round. I told him repetitively I just wanted to go to sleep and he’d tell me I could sleep if I gave him a kiss, I’d kiss him and he’d stop, I’d fall back asleep and wake up to him starting again, This happened several times over a few hours, whenever I asked him to stop he’d say “but you’re so wet”, “i won’t tell anyone”, “just bend over- i wont finish in you” as if people finding out or him finishing in me was why I wanted him to stop?

After a while I tried physically moving his hand out of my trousers and pants but he was stronger than me and just carried on at this point he had pinned me down by having his leg stretched over me aswell. I’m unaware of what time this started but I’d guess around 3/4am and the ONLY reason that I wasn’t raped that night was because my friend’s 8am alarm started going off. When her alarm went off I was crying as he continued to force himself upon me and I said to him I needed to go and stop the alarm.

I went into the room my friend and her boyfriend were in crying my eyes out asking them to get that freak out of my house and they wouldnt take me seriously. He was laughing saying it didnt sound like his mate and his mate was practically a virgin and they continued to tickle fight until I got my friend to understand the seriousness of what had just happened. Her boyfriend got his mate and they left my house.

I went straight to the police, who seemed to put emphasis on me never being able to win the case and asking me stupid questions like what i was wearing (which was a long sleeve top, jeans and a fucking duvet) and if i had been drinking ect. He told the police he couldn’t remember anything and therefore its just my word against his.

I became so anxious and a few months later visited my doctor who told me I was naive for letting this guy in my house and victim blaming me. My councillor forgot about my appointments and on my friend’s 18th birthday, my attacker turned up to her party and this was the first time I had seen him since. I went up to him and I told him “You can’t fucking be here” and he laughed at me and replied “who says?”.

He thinks its a joke, he thinks I’m a joke. I’m thankful for my friends and all of my friends kicked him out. I wasn’t even 18 when I got sexually assaulted for potentially 4 hours straight, I have no case and I’ve had no support. I had to get a new bed and I still cant sleep on the left hand side where I was when it happened. If I sleep curled up on my side I get flashbacks and I cant stop crying. I wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy and I’m just hoping this somehow will make me a stronger person. I ‘m so angry however and I wish the absolute worst for him.