Ingrid’s Story: I Still Haven’t Processed It

I am 15 at the time of writing this. I knew a guy named D since kindergarten and we used to be best friends when we were younger. He always made fun of me and hit me so we eventually drifted apart. He started texting me again last year when my self esteem was very low. He told me he wanted to have sex with me and we flirted through texts for several months. We eventually met up and engaged in oral sex three separate times. After this, he ignored me completely. Later he invited me to a group chat to mock my autistic sister and attack my partial Jewish heritage. A few months ago, I had heard he was selling weed and I bought some off him 2 separate times. My friend wanted some but D said he would only sell to my friend if I smoked with him first. I agreed but made it clear nothing sexual would happen and he agreed. The moment I walked into his house he started grabbing me: My butt, my breasts, and my vagina. He grabbed my hand and forced me to jack him off. I kept saying no over and over again but he kept grabbing and began reaching under my clothes. I just stood there like an idiot and said no but didn’t shove him away or anything. Then, he quickly reached down my pants and inserted his finger into my vagina. I kept saying no but he kept persisting. Eventually, I just agreed to have sex with him so he could cum and I could leave. A few weeks later, I saw him on the city bus and he got off on the same stop I did. He told me he was going to meet his dealer right now and said I could come with. I stupidly agreed but when he took me into a house I realized it was his house (a separate house from the one we met at earlier. His parents are divorced). I asked where the weed was and he started grabbing me all over again. This time, I resisted and shoved him away. I started to go for the door but he blocked the exit and again fingered me without consent and I pulled away and began walking out again. He kept blocking my path and grabbing at me and eventually he let me go. He certainly assaulted me when he groped me and definitely when he inserted his finger in my vagina but I was not raped. I will never tell anyone. If he figures out I told anyone especially the police I will dead by the next morning. He knows the exact location of my house. I know verifiably that someone was killed by his hitters for stealing drugs off him. Anyone who snitches on his drug selling is either getting beaten or killed and I can’t risk that.