Help’s Story: My Cousin Molested Me

The other night my cousin and I were watching avatar, and it was very late. For awhile I had thought of him as a brother, so I would let him hold my hand at times. He’s turning 16 while I’m turning 14. So we were watching avatar when he grabbed my hand, but it was laying on my chest. He was just holding it for awhile, but then he moved maybe two of his fingers and dipped them into my shirt. I was too startled to do anything at the moment, and just stared blankly at the tv as he stroked my breasts, wondering what the hell was happening. When he almost brushed my nipple I finally pushed his hand away, back in my right mind, but he just kept trying to touch me more. He ended up grabbing my thighs and pulling me to closer to him, and it seemed like his breathing was heavy. Well, it was fast and clearly audible.

Finally I pulled myself away and wrapped myself in a blanket so he couldn’t touch me anymore. Soon I left and went to my room. I used to trust him but now just being around him scares me. It doesn’t help that when he was touching me out of the corner of my eye I could see him looking at me from time to time, or that sometimes he would try to lift up my chin or stroke my face.

I’ve only told 3 people this so far, all of whom are online friends. I’m afraid to tell my parents because they think highly of him, and are even going to buy him a laptop sometime. Then again it was probably my fault since I didn’t verbally say no or push him away right away, and he must have thought it was okay. Still I can’t look at him the same way and I don’t want to be near him, but I don’t know what to do!

the three others said that I need to tell a trusted adult and I know that! But I don’t know what to do! He’s acting like it never happened and my parents keep having me do stuff with him, but I don’t want to and even my three friends say I need to stay away from him! But I’m so afraid to tell my parents… How do I tell them? I’m going to be seeing a therapist, should I tell them and how? How should I distract myself? I can’t get it out of my head!

Whenever I enter my thoughts I just see his eyes staring at me and I remember what happened and I know that being molested isn’t as bad as rape, but I still feel so scared! And I’m not a wimp or whiny person, don’t think I am. I just need help because for once I am afraid…