Fleetwood’s Story: Fame Meant I Had To

Fleetwood’s Story: Fame Meant I Had To

I don’t even know why I am gonna share this but basically I was hanging around at the bar where this pretty well known singer was, he’d been a Hero of mine since I heard his song in GTA V 😂 I was hooked…

The bar wasn’t anything great & as expected one day he arrived, me being a starstruck 14 year old fangirled & asked him to sign something which he was happy to do… he spoke to the manager of the bar and I was allowed to come in, (UK laws are weird about it but nobody would really say that to him lol) & after he’d had a few, he wasn’t drunk, just not totally sober, it was pretty late & he offered to get a taxi to get me home because I had walked and he was ‘worried about a pretty kid’ like myself. I was obviously naive, he was him, he was one of the good guys, so I was cool with that & said yeah, & he got to the taxi and decided to go as well, which I was totally over the moon about… he put his hand on my knee and was generally touching too close so I asked him to stop and he looked hurt, apologised and didn’t try it again. When the taxi driver pulled over, at the hotel he was staying at, I was obviously thinking that was it, he would leave and I’d be going home, but he told me to get out, feigned being p*ssed off that he’d stopped there & offered that I could come to his room while he called another cab… I was obviously still in fandom mode that he’d even spoken to me, far less all this, I was 14, I didn’t consider anything other than music & horses, guys were just people too at this point… we got to his room and he told me to go sit & he’d call for someone to come pick me up. (My parents thought I was with an older friend who was 18, she covered for me because she knew what I thought of him, & I promised I’d be back in the morning, I was sensible enough that she said ok, & I was like, everyone is safe here. apparently.) So I was sitting on the bed and he came through and sat beside me and to touch me and push me down, so I told him that I didn’t want to do anything with him, I was still a virgin and that I could go wait outside for the taxi, if I’d made it awkward, instead he took my wrists and said that guy’s like him could do what they wanted to people like you and I… I freaked out and asked him not to do anything, & he just said exactly this, “You’re young but you have to do it one day…”

I said, “well not this day” and tried to free my wrists,

“I’ll be gentle.” He said Then before I could do anything he was doing what he had to do… I don’t know what what I was even meant to do, it hurt, more than anything but if I let on he’d just momentarily make it worse and say it was meant to hurt… and after what felt like forever he stopped and said he didn’t want kids… I didn’t even know what that meant until he pulled my hair and made me finish the job orally… when he finally stopped he held me in a hug and told me that it didn’t matter because of who he was. He kept hugging me and promised it was fine… I was confused because of how nice he was now being, and I cried, he’d just hold me and say I wanted to…. i was too scared to say anything otherwise so I just agreed with him… I checked the time & it was only half 10… I told him I had to go, and he told me to text whoever and say I would be late, but make it sound convincingly like it was ok… So, I just didn’t want him to flip out, and I didn’t want to disappoint him, he was my Hero, I didn’t consider he was a rapist. He said that I should feel lucky that someone like him even paid attention to me, and he got me to go clean up because I was bleeding a fair bit which was pretty terrifying to me… I came back through and he told to me to come over, so I said I had to leave, & he took my arm, just as I went for the door and said I would be in trouble with people if I left now, and me being totally stupid thought that he was being honest… So I went beside him and he started touching me again, I said I couldn’t do it again and he just looked at me and he’d raised his hand as though he was about to smack me a good one, and said I had to, he wasn’t a bad person, so I believed him and he went again, then stopped and finished himself, I couldn’t really do much, & like he said nobody would believe a guy like him would hurt a stupid nobody, and even I think it’s easy to call bullsh*t, I mean he’s probably one of the nicest humans out there, and I did cause it all… Who goes with a guy to his room and doesn’t expect anything to happen… I’m not sure, but I’ve been sitting on this since before he went to New York and I just had to get that out… I don’t know who’s reading this, but anyway, I love you & you’re not alone if you’ve been hurt, I know how it is… “Oh no love, you’re not alone…” ~ Bowie.

I don’t want to name the person because I don’t know that I wouldn’t get sued or something and a court fight isn’t in my list of to do lol, but I just hate how people cloud celebrities with this ‘they do no wrong’ crap, because one of my favourite people in the world did, & If it wasn’t me who’d been the one, I wouldn’t believe it at all. I just know that he is seriously good looking and he uses his famous name to hide, & I probably shouldn’t have led him on by going but I did and it probably wasn’t all his fault but yeah… I just really don’t know what to do, because it’s really affecting me, & he’s everywhere lol because of some new work and I’m just sinking in the quicksand of my thoughts here… Thanks for putting up with this anyway, I just needed to get it out…

(I know I referenced Bowie a lot, he’s just another hero, he’d passed away, don’t let me confuse anyone with that lol)

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

Related