Anonymous Story: It was my first party that will haunt me forever

Anonymous Story: It was my first party that will haunt me forever

It was the summer going into grade nine. My first party. Who wouldn’t be excited to go to their first party and hang out with friends, sit around a fire and have a few drinks. At the time it was my best “friends” birthday party. I thought this was going to be the start of something great. High school was going to be great! This ended up being the worst night of my life and little did I know it would stay with me forever.

We had arrived at the house for the party. I knew almost everyone there. We all sat by the fire and had some drinks. I didn’t think I had drank that much until I stood up. Quickly realizing I was drunk. I came back from the washroom to see my seat had been taken. The only other spot was on the swing chair beside the older brother of my friends friend. This was the only person I didn’t know. I made the decision to sit beside him unaware of what he was capable of.

In grade school I never had a boyfriend or had a guy who “liked” me. I was not popular. At the time all I wanted was a guy to like me just like the other girls.

We sat there swinging I continued to drink however I noticed he was not . At the tie i never thought to much of it. While we were sitting there he started to kiss my neck. Something like this had never happened to me before. So i was unsure of what to do or what to think. All I thought of was wow a guy might actually like me. He asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. A walk ? Yes a walk. What was a walk going to harm. Little did I know.

We left the fire and walked towards the trampoline. There he started to kiss me. I was okay with kissing I knew what was going on, Than he read me to behind the house. I had no idea what he was planning to do. At this time of the night I was so drunk I was having a hard time standing so I sat on the ground. He sat next to me and continued to kiss me. He than began to touch me. I really wasn’t sure what to do. This had never happened before. He proceeded to take my panties off exposing me. I told him I wasn’t sure this was a good idea. However he assumed me it was. Than he began to fuck me. I told him I don’t think this is a good idea. Did it stop him? Of course not. I then told him to stop I didn’t want to do this. He didn’t. All I felt was hopeless. My body played there and it felt like I was paralyzed. I couldn’t run. There was nothing I could do. I was saying stop and it did nothing. I wondered if the words were even coming out. Why wouldn’t he stop if I asked him to.

Finally someone released we had been missing and came to find us. At this point he had already put his clothes back on and I laid there exposed and confused. As they walk towards us to find us they notice I was exposed, They thought it was funny.. Funny?? They had no idea. No idea of what really happened. He had already left. I put my pants on and went back to the parry. The look on peoples faces when I returned were horrible. They looked at me as if I were a whore, a slut and asked for it. Little did they know I was a victim.

The ride home I sat in the back replaying it over and over in my head. How could I have let this happen? This is not how it is supposed to be. That night I stayed the night at my “friends” house. I woke up thinking and hoping it was all a dream. It wasn’t. I woke up to find I had been bleeding and I knew it wasn’t a dream. I snuck out of the house I was so embarrassed.

I came home and cried. Why? Why did this happen? I tried to talk to my friend and explain the situation that happened. She didn’t believe me. She was mad. How could I do this to her. It was her birthday why did I try and ruin it. From this moment on I thought it much be my fault. If It wasn’t then my friend wouldn’t be mad.

I told no one else. I was embarrassed. I had though no one would believe me anyways. For years after his brothers told people. The word got around. Not the right word. They told everyone the wrong story. She was a whore, slut, how gross is she. She fucked my brother outside at a party. What a slut. No one believed me. Maybe it was my fault. Who would I turn to? Maybe I was a slut. would things have been different if I didn’t drink so much that night? Would my life be different? I guess we will never know.

Still to this day I think about it all the time. I am now open about my experience after keeping it a secret for 7 years. However I still am not 100% sure it wasn’t my fault. I don’t think i will ever be.

The best party of the year turned out to be the party that would haunt my life forever.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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