Emily’s Story: Not a Friend Anymore

Emily’s Story: Not a Friend Anymore

It was a cold November night. I had heard of a party nearby. I decided to go. I drank way more than I was used to. I got into a fight with my boyfriend. I turned to my good friend for help and for talking. I did not ask for anything more than that. I only remember the constant touching and taking off my clothes. I remember being frozen and unable to stop things. I felt if I stopped it, everything would be my fault. I remember coming to and seeing you struggling to get inside of me. You had a condom on. When did you put it on? I woke up a couple hours later in the early in the morning with a sick stomach. I grabbed my stuff while you were passed out drunk and ran to the toilet and puked for a while. I left the room and got stares from your roommates. I knew what they were thinking. They were thinking I was a slut who cheated on my boyfriend at home.

I thought it would be better when I got back to my room. I quickly took a shower and couldn’t get out of bed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I felt at fault for everything. I felt as if I decided to cheat on my boyfriend. It wasn’t my choice and I did NOT want to have sex with you.

Your reasoning was that we have had sexual relations in the past and that me coming over was asking for it. When I opened up to you and was honest and said I felt taken advantage of, you rubbed it in my face that you were not a rapist and you have a reputation to protect at the school. All of your friends started staring at me while I would go to class. There were several rumors that I was the one who wanted him so badly.

I withdrew from my college a week after the incident. I couldn’t take the constant stares and false rumors. It felt like high school all over again. Except this time, no one but my closest friends believed me.

All I asked for was a friend. All I wanted was to talk. I didn’t ask for sex. Not once did I say I wanted to have sex. This is my story that was never heard.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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