Brooklyn’s Story: I Didn’t Think It Was Assault

My friends and I were hanging out in a dorm room drinking and playing cards. He heard noise and walked in without knocking. It was the first week of college, we were all trying to get to know people, and we didn’t think much of this; we always left our doors unlocked and invited people in to make friends. He sat down beside me on the bed, I was drunk, he put his hand on my thigh and started stroking it. I didn’t move his hand, I wasn’t bothered by the advance enough to make a scene in front of these people I had only known for a week. Later that night I was walking back to my room and he followed me in, without asking if that was okay. He invited me back to his room because he had a TV in his dorm room, and wanted to watch a movie. I still have a hard time not blaming myself for going to his room, but when I did he obviously did not just want to watch a movie. He kept holding me down and trying to take my shirt off, and then kept moving my hand to his dick to stroke it. At this point I was dizzy and tired and kept saying no and trying to move away, but he wouldn’t let me. He just kept forcing me down and kissing me and trying to undress me, and then he finally relented with “well I’ll just take my pants off then” when I said I wanted to go home. He kept pushing me and pushing me until I was finally able to literally shove him off of me and get out. Having to see him in the hallways and around classes was sickening, I am struggling now, and I came forward on campus in hopes he won’t be able to do this to another girl. I am still battling that voice in my mind that says I deserved it because I went to his room and didn’t fend him off earlier. I was drunk, I did not give consent, and I even explicitly said no multiple times, but he never took me seriously. I am doing my best to recognize this, but I have been conditioned to feel at fault for everything that happens in my life. I don’t want to have deserved this, I want justice. I want to not be so scared. I want my life to be normal again. To all those that this has happened to, I am truly sorry. I wish that your form of reconciliation may come, or that you find peace and justice.