Beck’s Story: He reminds that night as well as I do

Beck’s Story: He reminds that night as well as I do

I was 16 ,two months before 17,
and I knew him since I was 13
It was night .
I really loved him.
I was watching him walking with all my love in my eyes.
Here we are , time to say goodbye.
Suddenly you started to kiss me.
I loved that
You were kissing me with love and I was really feeling it .
That hand , that fucking hand was going to my vagina .
I said stop , I was trying to stop you , I was not kissing you back and trying to push you away
You said sorry and I was like scared
You continued kissing me but I wasn’t feeling it anymore
You did it to turn me on
You hugged me and kissed my neck so gently
There it goes
Again in my lips
Then
Your fucking hand again , but this time faster
I didn’t even noticed till I felt it in me
You were just like pushing it into me
Maybe imagining like it was your fucking dick
I couldn’t breath ,
I couldn’t scream ,
I couldn’t cry
What the fucking hell
I mean where the fuck my strong went ?
You let me , you saw that that finger inside of me wasn’t working out
But now I was yours
I was trying to push you away
And you were trying again to kiss me
With that blood in your handsssss
I mean was my blood
What the fuck man
You showed your dick and was like waiting from me to lick that or what
I was scared
I was unsecured
I was terrified
You take the other hand to sit me
Hell no!
You did it
I sat in that street
Not to enjoy your fucking dick that u was waiting for
I sat to cry
Who I was with
Who were you
Did I really knew you ?
You were like
“hey what’s wrong?
We’re together
You’ll be my wife
Come on
Hug me “
I couldn’t move
I don’t really remember how I came home
My mom saw my blood in hoodie
She asked me what the hell happened
She thought I bumped into something.
I needed to take a shower
I needed to let you get out of me
I needed to don’t feel your finger inside of me anymore
I went to the bathroom and hey
Blood all over me
Either my hands was with blood
I made a pic and sent to u
You said it’s all okay
But it wasn’t
I took a shower with cold water
I didn’t even noticed that was cold
Till my mother was like knocking in the door asking me if I was okay
My phone was ringing
it was u
I declined, took my hoodie with blood upstairs
And went into my room
Here it is
A mirror where I brush my hair
What the hell
Who was that girl
Was even a girl
I looked like a woman more
What the hell happened to me
I couldn’t brush my hair
I couldn’t even wear pajamas or clothes
It was kinda cold but I was weak
I couldn’t even wear
Oh a message in my phone
You texted me to many times asking if I’m okay
Did u really care?
Cause it seemed like u did but the truth was different
You didn’t care cause u did it cause you wanted
You left me after two or three months
You never really were in love with me
You like the way I cared about u
The way I did what I did for u
You liked how much stupid I was for forgiving you anytime
You wasn’t in love with me
You loved me but not in love with me
Tonight , right now, in this moment
I give up on you !
I’m having problem with breathing and my heart is like beating or pumping or what fucking word do I have to use here very fast.
Here we are
In the end of this chapter
Thus, bye mr.ungrateful
Hope your life will be as your fucking heart is
If u even have one !

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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