Bárbara’s story : tinder date

Bárbara’s story : tinder date

Hi! My name is Bárbara, I’m 22 and I’m currently getting my life back on track. I started volunteering again and I’m getting ready to go to college. When I was 20/21 (I turned 21 there) I decided to go to another country I decided to go to another country to do voluntary service. At that time I was a religious girl, and I didn’t even like to talk about sex, but because I was away from my country and my church I decided to join tinder there because all of my friends and roommates were using it. On June 13th 2018, I was feeling lonely (my uncle had died a few months before and that week would have been his 41st birthday and unfortunately I was away from my family so I was a bit vulnerable) and a bit bored so I decided to go there and I found this guy, he had some nice photos, a cool description and seemed like a nice person. We ended up scheduling a date for that same day. We met at the city center. We had a nice talk and we even scheduled another date. Because it was raining a lot, and I had to catch the tram and then walk he said he could give me a ride, so I said yes, I didn’t think he was going to hurt me. The city center was not that far from my house and I knew the ways (because when I went there with my boss I always went by taxis). I’m going to be honest I was a bit distracted but I noticed we weren’t going on a way I knew. We stopped in front of this big block of buildings and he said he just needed to pick up something on this house, he said he didn’t want to leave me alone in the car all bored so I went with him. Biggest mistake of my life. When we entered his house he locked the door, told me to be quiet and started kissing me and touching me. I didn’t want that, I know it’s stupid of me going on a tinder date and not having sex according to a lot of people, including him, but I honestly didn’t want to have sex that day. I told him to stop, I told him I was on my period, I told him I wasn’t feeling good and asked him please to let me go and that I wouldn’t tell anyone. He threatened me and even hit me. I started crying so much until I stopped and got numb. I got super quiet which he didn’t like, He said I was killing the mood. At that moment all I could think was that I wish I was dead. After finishing inside of me, he gave me some tips on how to please a man but he told me I was one of the best. He said I had a good *****, that it was tight and warm. I was so ashamed and so disgusted. After that he told me to go clean myself and he took me to a taxi station near his house. He told me that if I said anything to anyone about this he would hurt me and he would make my life a living hell. When I was entering the taxi he said something to the taxi driver that I didn’t understand because I was terrible at the language of the country I was in. I gave a fake address and then even though it was raining I ran to my apartment and stupidly instead of going straight to the police I went straight to the shower. I was bloody, bruised, and mentally damaged. I was so nervous and scared of him. Because it was late and the pharmacies were closed the next day I went out and bought a morning after pill. The next days I didn’t tell anyone especially because there was a special event at the school I was volunteering at and I needed to focus on that. The weekend after that I took my things and went to another city to escape everything. (nobody knew this) When I came back because of work and also lack of money I decided I needed to tell anyone, so I told my boss, we talked to some policeman who said couldn’t do anything and unfortunately some believed it was my fault and asked “what were you expecting from a tinder date?” so I didn’t report. A week after telling her I was back in my country with my family and friends, but all I could think was I should die. I was hospitalized a few weeks later and it wasn’t really helpful because when I got out I started doing stuff I shouldn’t do and more bad things happened to me. All of this made me be hospitalized again, but this time it was helpful. Now I’m just in therapy and I’m better.
Sorry if this was a long message, I just needed to vent.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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