Anonymous Story: Ashram

Anonymous Story: Ashram

Bogotá D.C,
29th March 2015

First Secretary of Indian Embassy in Colombia

Dear Sir,

My name is __________ __________. I am contacting to you to let you know a very difficult situation that I lived in your country. The last year, I applied to a tourism visa, because I was interested on visit your country and learn things about yoga. It was my first time visiting India. You gave me a tourist visa with multiple entries. The number of this visa was: __________ (Date of Issue: 19-11-2014 and Date of Expiry: 18-05-2015). With this visa, I arrived at New Delhi Airport on February 27th of 2015. As I was travelling by myself and I had 22 years old, I decided to spend my time in your country in one ashram instead of going to hoteles or hostals. I believed it was more secure for me if I stayed in an ashram. I decided to investigate via web about some ashrams there in India. Finally, I decided to go to Aurovalley Ashram (a center dedicated to teach Integral yoga of Sri Aurobindo and The Mother from Pondichery), which is located on Rishidwar-Raiwala.

The day I arrived, I was picked up by a taxi from the Ashram. I arrived at the ashram on February 28th of 2015. I met Swami on this day and, to say the truth, I felt something wrong with him (something obscure). For this reason, I investigate via web about this man, but I did not find anything wrong about him (there are not much information about him). He has a center/ashram in Villa de Leyva, Colombia (Fundación Auromira). It is an ashram that he visited two times a year. There are a large community here in Colombia who follows him (Fundación Auromira in Villa de Leyva, Atma in Bogota and Atma Sueca in Suesca, Cundinamarca. The last two centers are founded not by him but by people who studied with him and then they created this spaces. However, the principal center here in Colombia who is associated with him is Fundación Auromira in Villa de Leyva). For me, this community in my country, community that I knew so many years before I went to India, was synonymous of trust. I trust in this ashram and in Swami, because I knew he had followers in my country, so I believed he was a real master.

As I did not find anything wrong about him in the web, I decided to trust. Since I arrived at the ashram, he was interested on speak with me a lot. For me, this was weird and uncomfortable, because I only wanted to be alone there. I was interested on the ashram not on him. He started to ask me questions like my name, my age, why I was in India, how he could help me in my search and things like that. I tried not to speak with him a lot, because, as I said, I felt very uncomfortable with his intimacy and his approach to me. However, many nights I found him in the middle of my way to my room and he started to speak with me. Now, I saw that he had started to manipulated me. He said that I had something special (related with spirituality), that I needed to keep silence in the ashram (because the language of the Divine is silence), that my parents would not understand my spiritual interests, and many things like that. He said that I needed to start a new life, and that he will be my refuge: the gardener of the seed I was. He said that I needed to forget all my past and all that I was to start a new divine life. He adviced me not to do the things I usually do: practice asanas (yoga postures), for example. He adviced me to dress like an Indian woman, but I did not see any sense to do that. The time past, and he asked me to serve the food in the ashram with other people. He gave me a collection of books of The Mother. All of this appeared to me very weird, because I did not know the real intentions of him. I started to feel very confused about all he said to me. As I had no people to talk in the ashram (because I followed his instructions), I felt worst. I saw he did not have this interest on other womens that stayed in the ashram at that time. I felt very isolated: isolated from my family and my friends in Colombia and isolated from the people in the ashram. I felt completly alone and very, very confused.

One month later, in a group meditation, I sat down in front of him. I started to feel as if he was calling me. I felt something strange happening. After that, while I was eating the dinner, he aproached to me and asked me if I had felt what he was telling me during the meditation: “I want to express my love to you”, he said. He started to speak about yantra, mantra and tantra. In reality, he did not speak something clear about it. He spoke about love and the love he felt for me. He spoke about the Kamasutra. At this moment, I really did not know what all this thing was: I did not know about his real intention and his clear interest for me. He asked me how we can be more closer. He asked me my phone number, but I did not have one in India. For this reason, he asked me my email. This day, he said that after the last activity in the asham at night, we had to see each other and he gave me instructions: he said that we can met in one meditation room.

I really thought that he will give me a mantra or something. I was very innocent and I really was interested on spirituality. When I arrived at this room, he started to tell me that all the ashram was mine and he spoke about the union between Shiva and Shakti: the women and men. He let me alone for a while, because he was doing something in the ashram, and when he arrived there, he closed the door of the room. He said that we need to be in front of each other. After that, he started to kiss me in the checks, but then he kissed me in my mouth. He kissed me and touched my body. I really felt very confused. I did not know what to do: he was the master, I was the student; he has a power over me: he was older, he was in a clear position of power, and I was very vulnerable. You can think why I did not stop him, but it is not easy when you have been manipulated, when you are completly lost and confused by him. He played mental games with me and all that he wanted was to have sex with me. It was not about spirituality, it was about him and his desires.

After this, he took me to his house. I was there sometimes with other people in some activities of the ashram, but I never have been in his room. When I arrived, I found some strange things. He has a big TV screen that showed him all the movements in the ashram (at least near his room). So, he had cameras somewhere. It was strange for me, because in the ashram there are a doorman, so there is no need to have this screen in his own room. Adicionally, he acted as if he did this thing before. He knew how to do everything: he closed the windows carefully, he knew exactly at what time to do that, etc. He took me to his meditation room. There he had three pictures: one of The Mother, one of Sri Aurobindo and one of himself. It appeared to me very egotistic. However, he told me that I needed to sureender to The Mother. He asked me to repeat these words seeing to her: “I am here and I am yours”. He said that I was surrender all my life to her (but for me it appeared that he wanted that I surrender to him). After that, he sat down and put me in his arms like a child. He said that I was his child. He put his chest with mine and said that he was putting me in his heart. He touched me inappropriately inside my brassiere and all around my body. Then, he put me in his bed and he said he will arise my kundalini. He said that he was doing a massage. Again, he touched me all my body including my private parts. It was not pleasant, it was very uncomfortable and confusing. He used the spirituality to abuse me. He was not arising my kundalini, but satisfacing his desires. I was very manipulated and confused. I could not said no and I could not stop him, because I was afraid. He treat to me not like a women but like a prostitute. He was not seducing me, but telling me what to do: “Take off your clothes, open your legs, etc”.

After doing this to me, he said that I had to do the same to him. I did not want to touch him. It was disgusting, and I did not see the point of all of that. Really. I was very afraid of what he could do to me. As he saw me so uncomfortable, he started to telling me what to do. He put my hand in his private parts and made me touch it. I was very uncomfortable. I did not want to do that. So, I said I want to go. I did it, and I felt so upset. I felt so alone, so bad. It was “spirituality”, but for me it was nothing to do with that. However, at that point I did not know it yet.

When I arrived at my room, I did not talk to anybody about this thing. I felt like I was killed inside. He was killing me. I had to act with other people of the ashram as nothing had happened to me. Next night, he was waiting for me near my room. He said that we needed to finish “the work”. I said I was tired, and I did not want to go anywhere. Afterwards, he tried again to approach to me a lot. I felt like he was chasing me. I tried to speak with some people from the ashram, but I could not. I only cried a lot, and I spoke in circles. So, they can not realized what was actually happened to me. However, some of them saw something wrong with the approach of Bramhdev to me. One Colombian women told me that she could percieve that he was looking for something more tan spirituality with me. I could not talk. He told me: “silence, peace, calm”. It was like a threat: you can not talk about it. I felt ashamed, I felt that I could not said anything, because nobody will believe me. I felt I could not finish with the idea that people had to him (as a holy man). I felt so bad.

I was getting crazy. One of these night, I found him again in the way to my room. This night, he asked me if I want to walk with him. As I though it was only “walk”, I walk with him, but after we walked a little bit, he took me again to his house. He said that we were meditating, but he was putting my legs around his belly. He was masturbating himself with myself (putting his erect private parts over me). I felt very uncomfortable. He asked me not to be afraid, but I could not. I said that I could not see how all this thing was related with spirituality. He said that I was letting my mind to talk, and that I needed to believe in him. He put me on his bed again and he lay down over me. As he is very fat, I was getting hurt. I told him. He was masturbating himself with me again. I said I did not want to do anything, that I was very confused, and, again, he started to talk about spirituality. He kissed me, he touched all my body, he made me felt like an object of pleasure. He said he loved me, he said I was his child, he said that he was my only refuge. I said I was tired, and then I went to my room. I felt so lost, so hurt inside that you can not imagine.

After this day, and as he did before, he acted like nothing had happened. When he was with other people in the ashram, he acted like the holy men they believed he was. I felt broken into pieces inside. I cried a lot and I tried to speak with some Colombian womans I knew there but I could not. Trust me: I could not. I felt I could not say anything. They saw me very lost, but they did not know what was happening. We always (and this is an open secret for all people that have been known him) believed he has something with one woman that have been in the ashram for years. She seemed lost because of him. It is very obvious that something had happened between the two of them. She is older than me, but when this thing happened to me, I started to think that I was not the only one: there were more women before me, and, for sure, if no one stop him: there will be more women abused for him in the future.

As I felt so lost, I did not speak with him. He approached to me and told me that I had to talk with him about me. I said he always told me that I had to be in silence, and he said that I needed to be in silence with others but not with him. He asked me again my phone number and my email, because he was going to Villa de Leyva, Colombia in the next days, and I actually had a ticket to left India soon (the day he was thinking on arrive again from Colombia). As I felt so confused, I wrote to him a letter. On this letter I said that I wanted to live a Divine life, that all that I want was spirituality. I wrote stupidities, because I was completly gone of myself. He made me enter in his mental games and he used his power over me to made me feel as he wanted. The day he left the ashram to went to Colombia, I gave him the letter and he took me to his house again. This time, we stayed at the basemant. He asked me if I had boyfriend in Colombia. He said that if I want to come back to the ashram for one year, I had to be careful and not met any men, any boyfriend. After that, he took me to his room. This day I really felt like a prostitute. He made me feel like that. He ordered me to take off my clothes. He ordered me to put me on a sexual position, but in this position I could not see him. He wanted to penetrated me. I stopped him, because something saved me. Really. I did not know how I could stopped him, but I did. So, he said that we did not to rush. He touch me again and he masturbate himself with me. At this point, I did not know nothing about me: I was completly gone of myself.

I stayed in the ashram ten days more without him. For me, it was the most amazing time there. I felt free. I tried to speak again but I could not: I felt completly lost and confused. I felt ashamed. As he had my email, he wrote me from Colombia but he was not telling me nothing romantic or sexual on the emails. I told him I was thinking on come back for a year, as he advised me to do. I was completly manipulated to think about it: to think to come back. I do not know how he made this thing to me. The day he arrived at the ashram, I had to left India (May 9th of 2015). He arrived a few hours before I left. He gave me a letter to apply for a student visa. He gave me one of his books. He took me to his house to gave me that. There, with open doors, he said that what we had was very strong. He asked me to felt it. I did not feel anything, but his private parts erect on me over my clothes. He kissed me and asked me if I want to be in his room. I said no. I said I want to be with the Colombian people before I go. He said that he will left the doors of his house open in case I wanted to go. I did not want. I left his house and I left India without see him again.

When I left the ashram, I felt like a prisioner that has been liberated. I felt completly free. I felt confused and lost and all of that, but I felt that at this moment I was free of him. I did not talk to anybody about it, and all that I could say was something in circles (nothing specific as I wrote here). We kept in contact trough email. I always asked him things about spirituality or about life. I know he knew was he was doing, so he did not write anything that would put him in evidence. He wrote things not romantic not sexual, but with some intimacy. I was still confused and I felt completly alone. I had nightmares with him.

He came to Colombia on Augoust of 2015. He came to Fundación Auromira in Villa de Leyva. I though I needed to see him to see clearly what had happened to me. I went to see him. At this point, I started to realized the big thing this was and how it was affecting me. There in Villa de Leyva nothing happened with us. There were a lot of people. He knew he has not in his place. However, we talked. In one email he wrote me that there in Villa de Leyva we will desing my life. It was scaring. I was there only three days. When I saw how people believe in him, when I saw how people talk about him (as an example, as a Divine person, etc) I got angry. I got angry with him, because he was not the person they believed. All the time, he was condening relationships and sex: he said this is only an impulse and the vital of the person. He condened people for being on a family. He said that they are and instrument of falsehood. How can he said that? I met some people that stayed in the ashram for years and we started to be friends. I could see how he always play mental games with people: he makes people feel confused and lost and he said he is the only who has the truth. I remember one men who asked him in Villa de Leyva: I want to be like you, how can I be like you? I thought: this is horrible, you do not want to be like him, you do not really know who is him. However, I did not talk, but I started to realized all of this, I started to face my suffering. At this time, I was thinking on come back to India on november of 2015. Some part of me was thinking on come back to debunk him. I felt I needed to go to say the truth. I applied to the student visa for one year and you gave me the visa. The number of this visa was __________ (Date of issue : 07/10/2015 and Date of expire: 07/10/2016).

I had the ticket to go to India on November 24th of 2015. However, before I could travel I saw clearly what had happen to me. I could see the manipulation, the abuse of power, the lies: everything. I realized I could not travel again because of my life. I started to talk with some people about this, and they, obviously, adviced me not to go and to talk about it to debunk him. I was not in Colombia until one month ago. I was travelling trying to heal myself. I was visiting some specialist, because I needed (and I still need) help to move on. I was trying to gain the strenght and the courage I need to speak about it and to face it. It is not easy. For me write this text with all these details is the most difficult thing I ever done. The last conversation I had with him was saying him I could not travel. He wrote me whatever I needed I could talk to him. I never did. I do not want to talk with him again. I do not want to see him again. I do not want to go to any ashram again. All that I want now is my peace back. I want to be free of this situation, I want to be free of him, I want to be free of these terrible memory, I want to be free of this trauma, because it was a trauma for me. I want the truth. I do not want more womans as victims of his abuse. Everyday I woke up and think that some woman can be in this situation now. I could not sleep well. I stopped to eat. I had problems with my health now, with my mental health, with my soul. I felt he did me the wrost thing in my life, and all that I have is my testimony. The pain that I feel everyday and the consequences of his abuse are invisibles, but are with me everyday. Somedays I prefer to be dead than to suffer all this thing.

So, I decided to speak about it to heal myself. I decided to speak about it because I do not want anyone suffer because of him. I do not want to be in silence. I do not want to be his accomplice because of my silence. I know a lot of people who believe in him, and I want they can see the truth. I felt he did it to me, and I have nothing. I felt I have nothing at my side. This happened to me in another country: What can I do? I decided to write to you, because I know you can do something. I do not know what, but I want you know that this Ashram is not a center of education, but a center of abuse. This man is nothing, but a big lie. One can not spend his life abusing women and nothing happen. One can not spend his life lying to people. One cant not spend his life abusing foreing women to come to India with an idea of spirituality. This is a shame. I love your country, I love India, but with this experience India has another meaning for me. As this man has so many contact with Colombia, he is coming this May. You can not imagine what I feel knowing he is coming: he is going to be walking near me. It is one of the worst fellings I ever have felt. He is coming and he will be talking about how to live, about how to be near the Divine. Do you think this is fair to me? I do not think so.

After I realized all this thing, I started to investigate with some friends who lived in the ashram for years. We found that one women who spent long time in the ashram was abused by him too. She never have talk about it, and she is not ready to talk now. She is not from Colombia. I only want you know I am not the only one. There are more women who had been abused by him and for sure there will be more. Sexual abuse is not only penetrate you, but all of these things I have described here: manipulated you, isolated you, confused you, kiss you, touch all your body innapropiatly, made you touch him, masturbate you and masturbate himself with you, etc.

I hope you can do something for me. I am passing trough a lot of pain. I feel this is a never ending thing. I want to move on and be at peace again. As I said before, I have been visiting specialist because I need help. For me is unfair that nothing happen with the person who caused me all of this. However, I wish for him that he could see what he is doing and stop doing it. I wish your country continue shining and be free from all these false prophets. I am broked into pieces, and for me it is difficult to trust again in spirituality and everything. However, I believe in the grace of God and in his mercy, and I believed it will be truth and justice, because one can not simple abuse of his power and live as nothing had happened. I hope you realized that for me to wite all of this with all these details was so difficult, and I hope you can feel my pain and understand that if I decided to talk is because I believe I have to: for me, for the people who trust in him and do not know anything about this, for the other women who had been abused by him and for the women who can be abused by him in the future. I do not want to be part of this. My responsability is to talk and to show to you the pain I am passing trough.

Thank you in advance for your help. 

I am looking foward to hear from you.
Yours faithfully,

__________ __________ __________
C.C ______________
______________@gmail.com
Phone number: __________

Author

WYR

WYR

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