Anonymous Story: We will be shamed

I’m 15 years old muslim girl and i was raped when i was only 9 in a muslim country but am now in America. My family is a very happy and loving family. We were always together and still are. I had to love with my grandma for 9 months because my dad was kidnapped. So my mom sent me away to live with my grandma, uncles, and my sweet cousin who is a girl.

It was night time and my cousin and i were sleeping together like we always do. We heaed someone come inside the room amd lock the door. I look to see who it was and i was so relieved that it was my uncle. He came between me and my cousin and slept with us. I was fine with it because he was not touching me or anything. I was very close to going to sleep but i felt a hand on my body ….I tried to make him stop but he kept taking my paints down. I tried to scream but he covered my mouth with his hand. But i still didn’t give up…i kept going but he put a cloth in my mouth and tied my hands. He got up tho and he turned on the lights when i looked at my cousin i saw the samething had happened to her. She was also tied up and no paints. She was only 14 while i was 9. We were both crying. He took our virginity in the wost way possible. He hit us. He used up in different ways. He did things to us that you can’t even imagine. Thats how my cousin and i were raped.

The next day i tried to get up but my body just wouldn’t do what i wanted so i just layed there for hous next to my cousin. I told my cousin i gonna tell our grandma and when i was getting up she pushed me back down amd said you think you’ll live .. you think you’ll have a better life…its a muslim country .. We’re muslim girls.. we will be shamed on even though its not our fault .. our parents will be shamed on. I sat back down and started to cry. I knew that I’ll never be able to tell anyone ever.

6 months latter i was at my other uncle’s house both arw brothers but this uncle has a wife. While i was staying there i was locked in a room by the different uncle and raped again. This time i tryed very hard to not let it happen but i just gave up at the end. I was only 9 what could i have done. I was a muslim girl. I couldn’t tell anyone and if i did my paremts will be shamed on and my uncles even said they will blame it on me. I just didn’t know what to do and still dont. I kept quiet all these years but i just wanted to let these feelings put at least once.

because of that i have haphephobia the fear of being touched in anyways and i was under depression for 4 years. I was suicidal and hurt. I hate boys mens all together. I stay as far as aways as i can from people. But through all of that I’m still standing here and telling my story. I’m just gonna try to move on with life.

Thank you for reading my story.