Anonymous Story: This is My Story the Journey of My Life

Anonymous Story: This is My Story the Journey of My Life

This is my truth; this is my story the journey of my life that is constantly unfolding. My story, my way, my words are my truth. Your thoughts and opinions could never define who I am. I’m finally a free spirit, and it’s my time to rise. At age 22 I was raped by a stalker and got impregnated by him. It was a difficult pregnancy; it was hard to stop myself from crying daily. His curse kept resonating in my mind to the point that I believed no one would ever love me because he poisoned me with his offspring. These are the words he uttered to me “No one will ever love you because I ruined you. I will destroy you so no one would never want you.” It made it even harder for me when I almost died giving birth due to Pre-eclampsia. The moment my son came into this world I immediately fell in love with him forgetting about that pain. The hardest part of raising my child has been trying to figure out how and when to tell him the truth.
After my rape it took me years to be able to be with a man. I remember the first time I was intimate I cried because I was terrified and it reminded me of the ordeal I went through. It took me an even longer time to start loving myself. I eventually got married, but as life has its mysterious ways, that person who I thought would protect and love me turned out to be someone who reminded me constantly that I was not loved by him. He tore me down to an empty place. I felt like he used my experience to knock me down more and made me hate life and myself more. I wished I could have died, but there was a purpose in my life- my son. Eventually, I walked away from my marriage because I was mentally, physically, financially and emotionally damaged and lost.
After that ordeal it took me four years to be at peace with myself. That moment in my life I went through drastic physical and emotional changes. I lost 60lbs, I was focused on my spiritual growth: meditating, praying and surrounding myself around positive things and going back to school. I finally felt like everything was working out and then everything fell apart or so I thought. I ended up with blood clots, anemia and fibroids. I was off my feet for six months due to blood clots and eventually had to have a double hysterectomy due to fibroids, cyst and other complications. That set me back financially, physically and mentally because It was very costly and I gained back all the weight I originally loss.
What I went through never broke me, I’m still here starting over and becoming the best version of myself. Trust me healing yourself is an ongoing process and one I am constantly working on. I try my best to protect my peace because that is all I have some days.
Finding myself the focus now is to be at peace with me and focus on being the best version of myself and to serve my higher purpose in life. We break when we allow things to affect us. So when you see me alone just understand that being alone brings me peace and I am constantly protecting my peace.
Despite all I went through I’ve lived my best life and I don’t regret any of my decisions. I share these things with you but I could hear my mother saying don’t put your business out there for the world, but I believe if it could save one life then it was worth sharing. My family has been my biggest supporters during my healing. I wasn’t the easiest person to deal with I was full of hate. Now I am grateful they never gave up on me. Even though there was a moment I hated myself but that drive helped me to keep my child. I am grateful now seeing what all I went through. Ajani has been my inspiration, my greatest supporter and the reason I am here and my purpose was to be his mother. Power to women.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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