Anonymous Story: Temporary friend

I had spent some time E being a very close friend. I thought he was someone I could count on, specially meeting him after getting out of an abusive relationship. I thought I could trust him, to be a friend, to watch out for me, to be there for me, to finally be someone I could trust. There was a couple of months where he was exactly that and of course this was the stage where I was rebelling ob my beyond strict parents so I was out there trying to explore the world and try every experience I had been deprived of. Unfortunately I tried noz and loved feeling numb and [E] would provide that for me. He knew it was what I needed and I thought he provided a safe space. Until one night, I thought I was a dream, I was in and out of consciousness but I remembered him forcing my mouth on his area. After he dropped me off at home I thought maybe it was the noz maybe you hallucinated, maybe it was just you imagining it. Two weeks later I found myself in his room at his house thinking we were just going to hang out with friends and do noz, next thing I remember his brother was knocking on the door demanding answers on why he locked me in there. I just remembered looking at my phone seeing countless missed calls from my dad wondering where I was. I scurried to find my clothes and wondered how I let this happen. I refused to speak to him again and he never contacted me after that. He knew what he did and he knew it wasn’t okay. Worst of all is I blamed myself and I still do for not knowing how it all happened, how my clothes came off, how I allowed my rebellion to lead me there, did he even use protection!? I had only been with one guy before him. I felt ashamed, embarrassed and untrusting towards men. Months after everytime I had drinks I’d feel every man that talked to me had ulterior motives. To this day my husband does not know what happened, [E] was the person who introduced us to each other. [K] and i know have a beautiful child named [M]. I still struggle with what happened time to time but it’s so hard for me to say to anyone because i feel i put myself in that situation.