Anonymous Story: She said, “Last night was a mistake”

It has been hard lately – I have been struggling and quite a few scattered memories have come back out of their hidden corners. The worst was when I was going in to teach tonight and thought that I saw her. It all came crashing back in that moment – the fear, the panic, the anger and the shame.

A best friend is someone you trust without fear, someone you share with without judgement, and someone you love without bounds. But it was her (let’s call here XH) who broke me. My partner partially knows about what drove us apart, just not the extent of everything. It has taken so much out of me just to be able to type it all out. So here it goes…

Throughout my time at uni, I lived with my mum and brother in a 2 bedroom apartment. To get away from it all, I would have a night out with XH once every couple months – we would drink, eat junk food, go dancing to the club and come home and pass out. It all changes when I started dating people. The first time I went on a date, she was very supportive and kind. But as I started dating more and getting more confident, she started getting jealous. She would call me a ‘whore’ or a ‘slut’ if I dressed up for a date or to go out with her; if we went on double dates, she would flirt with my date and even slept with one of them. At that time, I thought ‘Good riddance’ for the guy and let it go.

But it was about to get worse. I was getting somewhat serious with guy M and she knew that we were exclusively dating each other. XH was also one of the few people who knew about my sexuality and that I had dated women before. So, that night, as she plies me with drinks, she took my phone from me and proceeded to send him her nudes and pester him to come over. When he refused, she turned her attention to me – rubbing me all over, touching me and kissing me. Now I’m not the one I’m the clear either since In my alcoholic haze, I responded back positively initially. Clothes were taken off and kisses were exchanged as we moved to her bed. Once naked, I realized it was too much for me and told her I wanted to stop and sleep. She initially agreed but soon resumed her touching and groping. It continued for a little bit before she used a vibrator to penetrate me and make me cum. After that, I passed out and all I remember is waking up bleeding and in pain the next morning and being told that ‘last night was a mistake’. I saw that she had already showered and I quickly showered and left her apartment to go back to my parents’ place.

After this incident, I never visited her place again. We, did, however live together as roommates unsuccessfully for a year before my anger and frustration got in the way and we cut off all contact from each other. I miss having a best friend sometimes, but I don’t miss her. But there are days when the prospect of running into her frightens the crap out of me.