Anonymous Story: Raped By My Stepdad

When I was 5 years old I was raped by my stepdad one night I was in bed I shared with my mom and my stepdad and I was always scared to sleep in the dark and that night I was so scared to sleep alone I wanted my mom to make me feel safe and when I went to call for my mom he came in the room and told me that my mom went out to the car but I was looking out the window and my mom was not going to the car I heard her in the living room talking to my aunt and uncle laughing while he was raping me and he told me don’t ever say anything cause I’ll kill you then tucked me into bed it took me until I was 12 to tell my “mother” he molested me when my mom was in Florida for her job and my mom told me that I was probably just dreaming he’ll never do something like that to me that he loves me as his own he would never do that now I never was able to get over it my depression gets worse and worse everyday seeing them everyday disgusts me I just can’t believe that she’s still with me I don’t understand? I told my school twice and when the would start investigation my mom would tell me to lie to them because we need him in our lives he takes care of his he feeds us works his ass of for us i don’t know why I did it I guess I just really love her I just don’t understand I’m 17 years old now I will be 18 on October 13th I really don’t want to leave my mother I love her so much I can’t believe she would betray me like that am I not important? I cry everyday I’m so angry and depressed I’m not this person I don’t want to be this person he ruined my childhood and possibly my whole life I will not forgive her ever I hate seeing them everyday he’s always trying to ruin my life he constantly turns my mother against me I’m just sick of it I’m sick of protecting her but she never protects me