Anonymous Story: Not Even One Adult In My Life Knows About This

As you can read by the title, not even my parents know this. No adults in my life know this. I’m a 17 years old, and this happens when I was around 3-4. I just moved to another kindergarten. I was maybe there for a month before something happens. The most horrible thing. A boy, around my age, came up to me and asked, “Do you know what ‘sex’ means?” I answered no, it sounded like a game. He took me to the bathroom, locked the door and told me to get on my knees. I did, still thinking it was a game. He pulled down his pants, showed his little penis in front of my face and said, “Suck it.” I did. When my best friend found, he threatens her, that he would beat me and her if we told an adult. My brain had somehow tried it best to hide it, maybe even make me forget it. But those scenes, those small glimpses of clips I get at nights, never fully leave. That continued until I came in school. I was 7 when I started school. He did that to me, for 3 years… 3 years of him doing sexual things to my body. I felt dirty, filthy at an age of 10 when I knew what sex really was. Sometimes I feel like, just wanted to scratch my skin off. Just so I could grow a new one, but my mind won’t forget. Or when I had dreams, about me traveling back in time, able to stop him, asking an adult what sex was. Just anything, anything to prevent him. When I try to even masturbate or try to get horny even, I feel wrong. All those disgusting feeling whelming over me. In 7 grade, my class had to move to another school, and guess who is there… That rapist. That boy who I thought I would never see again, was in that school, but he was in a special class, those who can’t be mentally normal with others. I was relieved when I found out. I don’t know what to do now… I have caused a lot of trouble to my parents, and we’re trying to fix it. But maybe in the future, I’ll tell them.