Anonymous Story: My Brother

I am a man, this has haunted my thoughts my entire life. When I was young my older brother use to have sex with me by having me rub his penis or he use to have sex with me why I laid on my stomach but never with penetration. I fell so guilty and ashamed and so low because I never said no or I never tried to stop him, I just felt like I had too. I don’t know why I never just stood up and said no, he get angry but never physically forced me too… I just felt like I had too. The strange thing is I can’t remember how old I was, but I do know it has destroyed my life. My oldest brother caught us once and inside I thought, this is it!!! But he just said if I ever catch you again I’ll tell mom and dad and nothing ever happened and it continued. I have only been in 3 relationships and most of those were ended terribly and honest were not healthy at all from start… and it’s my fault I don’t know how to be with someone. My mind is full of negativity that I can’t get past. I have spent almost my entire life a lone why I watch people grow and develop relationships but I’m so scared to just go on a date. The even sadder thing the person who had sex with me has a full family wife and kids and is living a full happy life. I know in my heart and mind I’ll be a lone for the rest of my life, this is my curse this is my life.