Anonymous Story: My Brother Raped Me

I am not sure how old I was exactly perhaps 10, 11, or
12. My brother is 3 years older than me. We had discovered about getting high using inhalants. I remember i huffed gas then he did. I am also male. I dont remember how it happened next thing I recall is being on my knees in the backyard and him putting his dick in my mouth grabbing the back of my head then ejaculating in my mouth. I was completely disgusted. I felt so dirty. I felt like I was an oitcast or alienated because I had tooken part in something so gross. I think I worked hard to block it. Im 36 now, i just went through some major trauma now all the sudden I remember this. This is the first time i have ever even remotely admitted to even myself that it happened. Now I wonder if this is something that took part in triggering a life of dysfunctions that I’ve never been able to explain