Anonymous Story: Me Too

I’ve thought so many times about how to word this and where to start this story but it
never sounds right or comes out the way I want it to, which has put me off doing this before
But, I feel this is something I need to do, I need this to begin to heal so here we go

By the way, I’m not even sure what happened was sexual assault
I mean, I invited him over
We’d had sex before, many times actually
I agreed to the hand cuffs, and ‘was stupid enough no to have a safe word’ as a friend once said
when I told them
So really, he can’t have known what he was doing wasn’t what I wanted
Maybe in his mind the crying, trying to get away/ Fight my way away and begging him to stop were all
a part of the experience
Maybe he’d never done it before and thought that’s how it was meant to be, I mean I’m hand
cuffed, so surely that means I give up my right to say no or be selective about where he puts
himself. The handcuffs represent full submission, and once you are the dominant one you get
to exert your control over the one you’ve successfully caused to submit, right?
So you see the issue now
I don’t feel like I’ve got the right to feel abused or assault when I’d allowed it to happen and
when I’m not even sure what happened was wrong