Anonymous Story: Me Too

Anonymous Story: Me Too

Trigger Warning–sexual assault

This is going to be kind of long, so forgive me….I need to write an open letter to my ex husband, the narcissist, and the one who has taken over my life for far too long.

Dear Ex Husband–

I’m almost free from you. After 20 years of dealing with your shit (over half my life), I’m almost free. Free from your lies, free from your manipulations, free from the hell that is being near you and having to deal with you.

For so long you’ve tried to make me feel like it was all my fault. Like I was supposed to serve you and your needs. And if I dared to disagree with you then you would make sure everyone around you knew what a disgusting person I was, like my feelings didnt matter. You consistently put me down, insulted me, made me feel like less of a person.

I know now that while I wasnt perfect, it wasnt my fault. You are truly sick. You put yourself on a pedestal and expect those around you to bow down to you. To sing your praises. And when I refused to do so any longer, I became enemy number one in your eyes and you decided you were going to do whatever it took to destroy me.

I now know it wasn’t my fault when you encouraged your friend to corner me in our kitchen and grope my breasts. He stopped when he could see I was scared and uncomfortable. You encouraged him to go farther but he saw the fear in my eyes and thankfully stopped. However, a few days later you decided that I should “perform my wifely duties.” I told you no but you continued on. As I felt you enter me, violating me, I cried in fear and couldnt believe someone who promised to protect me could do this. Unlike your friend, you didnt stop. You decided you were going to take what you wanted. . You covered my mouth so that our daughter couldnt hear me scream and cry as you raped me. I tried to fight back, but that only excited you. I believe you were trying to show me you were in control and punishing me for rejecting your idea that I should sleep with your friend, like I was just a toy to be passed around. It was that day I began plotting my escape.

It’s taken 10 years to say out loud that you raped me. e. Sadly, that wasnt the last time. The first time, I fought back. The other times, i just closed my eyes and prayed for it to stop. I feel sick when I have to be around you. But soon, I will be free.

It’s taken a long time for me to realize although you tried so many times to break me, I have come out on th other side. It’s been 10 years and in a couple of weeks our court case will be settled and I will be free from you. I refuse to let you take up space in my head any longer. When you try to get inside my head, I will not let you.

And one day, when those around you have tired of your narcisstic way, you will be left all alone. But I will have moved on.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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