Anonymous Story: Me Too

I don’t remember at what age it started, probably around 10. I would spend nights at my family’s house, where I would be sexually abused by a family member, who was the same age as me while I was sleeping. I would wake up while it was happening and not react because I was scared to confront the person. The person would think that I was asleep during the entire thing. It happened several times. It took me a long time to realise what happened to me. I remember I would pray that it would stop, but it didn’t. I used to blame myself because I didn’t stop it, but laid there not moving. This is why I never reported it, and also, who would believe that a child could do this.
What hurts me the most is not that this was done by a family member, but that this was done by a child. Where did a child learn that this was okay? Today I am an grown adult and I am thinking about not having kids, because I am afraid that they could hurt someone like I was hurt. I get mad every time someone says that kids are innocent.