Anonymous Story: Me Too

What happened!
{I changed all the names.}

Friday night, no plans, quite night. I get a text from my friend, Hannah. “Come out to the bar tonight!” I get super excited. I reply yes in a matter of seconds. Next thing I’m doing is getting dressed as fast as possible and soon enough im out the door. We meet at Hannahs house and I park next door at our friend Sam’s house. We get to the bar and im already feeling like a drink could hit the spot. My friend hannah gets out some colored bands, she hands me one and we head into the bar. As soon I step foot inside the tiny building somebody is offerin me a drink. I gladly take it, and drink it. Finally Ive moved onto another drink, and a shot of patron. Before I know it its been hours and im blacked out drunk. I dont remeber leaving the bar, going back to Sam and Hannahs or getting there. From Hannah’s “testimony” she said I walked across the street to Sam’s house and fell down and hit my head, she also said I had wet myself. The she put me into the house and took off my shorts and changed my underwear.
Next thing I remeber waking up to, or coming out of my blackout was me sitting down in a truck. My head was lowered down as if i was sleeping. I opened my eyes wider and realized I had on no pants, no bra, and I imagined I was in a shirt. When I picked up my head and looked around I was pretty nervous, anxious, and most of all scared. I thought I seen a familar face when I looked into the mans laughing face behind me. My vision was a little blury. But the face I made out was my Step Uncle, and long time drug addict and criminal. I remember the inside of the truck having a case of beer, it was a single cab and it had a huge shift right in the center. I didnt get a good look at the driver but i could hear laughing just couldnt make out what the were saying. I asked quitely “Let me out” The man behind me laughed and said “No”. At this point fear, rage, adrenaline took over my once nearly limp body. I began banging on the window of the truck with my hand, kicking the dashboard as hard as i could and screaming as loudly as possible. The man behind me got very angry with me, they pulled into a field and before the came to a complete stop the door was swung open and i pushed out with so much force i fell. I got up and ran straight into what looked like miles and miles of plowed rocky field. I tripped over a large rock and hit my head so hard on a rock I felt paralyzed almost. I couldnt move I just whimpered in pain. I look towards where the truck was parked and seen it was white but still parked there. They were just watching me. Crying, helpess, vulenerable and in pain.
This next part was and is probably the most traumatizing part of my night. As I laid I looked around and started hallucinating dead bodies all around me, they were all naked women. My only thought was “This is their dumping ground.” Next I heard whimpers from farther away from me. I was hearing my hallucinations. I looked back towards the truck and it was backing away. I watched it leave the field and get back onto the road. After that it was survival time. I was in the middle of nowhere as far as i could tell I had on no clothes, (I had imagined having a shirt on in the truck) No phone, No way to defend myself if these men came back. My only option was to run, and run as fast I could until I was safe or somewhere familar. Anytime I seen a vehicle pass on the road I would duck down, paranoid and terrified It was those men. After what felt like hours of running and falling and almost giving up, I realized the only thought that was keeping me going was my mom. I couldnt just leave her, not yet, it wasnt my time. Next thing I knew I was sprinting towards the road. I knew if i wanted to survive and live I had to take a chance and try to flag down a passing vehicle. When I got to the highway I jumped into the road just as a truck was passing me up. I watched as the person slammed on their breaks. He backed up a few ways then stopped throwing the truck into park and running to me with a blanket. He covered my body and asked me over and over what happend and if I was okay. I asked him for his phone to call my mom but i was messed up, confused, and hurt I couldnt even type much less remember my moms number.
The very kind and life saving man drove me straight to the police station to my home town. I got down sobbing, still confused on what happened. All i could really say was “I think I was raped.” I told the cops who I thought raped me, I told them i thought i seen dead bodies all around me. My grandma came to the station with my grandpa. They were crying with me and said “we’ve all been looking for you”
The cops had to call the ambulance because of the suspected assualt and the condtion my body was in. My mom road with me to the hospital and I told her how scared I was, how I thought Id be running hours, how I thought i would never see her face again, how i thought i would die.
At the hospital i was met with a doctor, nurse, and sherriff. The doctors took a blood test and urine test. I ended up denying the rape kit after sobering up I felt as if I wasnt raped. I told the doctor I was almost positive I was slipped something due to my behavior and hallucinations. My alcohol level was almost two times the legal limit. The sheriff that was assigned, was very agitated with me, kept telling me and hinting or notioning that I wasnt telling the truth. He was very very insensitive and was only confusing me more. He almost got to me. But i know in my heart everything that happened that night was wrong. No excuses. Finally after hours in the hospital I was released. My mom picked me up some medication and some Plan B for the fear i mightve been raped and couldnt remeber.
When we finally arrived at home it was 10 am. I didnt go to sleep till 11 and slept for an hour before waking up to probably the worst pain I have ever felt. My entire body was exhausted, bruised, and cut. My shoulder had to be held in one certain spot to stop the throbbing pain I felt deep in it. I couldnt walk. I cried out to my mom who was so amazing during everything. She immediately brought me to a clinic where i was more thoroughly looked at and x-rayed. My right hand was swollen from beating on the window, I had cuts and scrapes from head to toe. The doctor came to a conclusion after testing I had a lot of soft tissue damage, my body wasnt able to move because of all the running. She told me I was pumped with adreanline and that’s why I wasnt hurting much after falling. The knot on the back of my head from hitting my head still bothers me weeks later. With time my body has healed, I however do not think I ever will.
More Information
When I woke the next morning my moms filled me in on what happened, She said when Sam got home from work at 3:30 that morning I wasnt anywhere to be found in her house. She went across town to my cousins house and told him, my bestfriend, and my brother. After that my mom got the call I was missing. Everyone in my family was notfied and set out on a hunt looking for me. She went to the police station in my hometown and the town I was in that night, she also went to the hospital in the town I was supposed to be in. Now a very important key information, The vehicle i woke in wasnt the first one. I was picked up by another. The driver called the cops and stated “She was acting crazy so kicked her out on the highway” He was left anonymous and never stated anything else about me not wearing pants. After around a week I want to say the hospital called my mom with my “test results” the nurse said to her “Im sorry but none of your daughters blood was tested, I have no idea why.” Most date rape drugs can only be traced 72 hours after taking the drug, so basically I will never know for sure If i was actually slipped something.

Theories
The next few days after were defintely some tough days to deal with. I had round the clock babysitters if you will. I was taking advil and aleeve like candy to make the pain a little more manageable. I had to tell and tell and tell my story again and again. Many people came up with their own theories. The most popular one was I was set up by all those girls. Me and Sam have had many problems in our past, one even involving an altercation between us. Sam’s job was not the most sought after or safest one in our surronding area. She was a full time stripper at a very popular club a few towns down. The theory is, Sam was still mad at me because of past drama, when Hannah put me to bed at her house Sam called somebody to come get me out that was affiliated with her work. More reasons made this theory when we found my shorts I wore that night in my car. They were damp but had no smell of urine and neither did my car. The underwear that were said to be changed were still on me. I myself didn’t believe this theory at the time even though It sounded very reasonable.

Second theory, becaue of Sam’s line of work, some believed that a man could have been watching her and following her, when they seen me outside of her house, they simply slid a card through the lock walked in and took me out. My phone was on Sams counter along with my keys. This theory also seems believable except in both of these theories neither really explain why I was acting so eratic.
Final theory, after some time my mom got into contact with an old friend who wanted to talk to her about my situation. She told my mom to tell her everything I told her. My mom did so to which she replied, “I know what happened” Tess told my mom how the same thing happened to her in that same town. She also said “It is the worst one in our state for sex trafficking” Tess went on to tell her story, she said that the night it happened to her she was around a very bad crowd. She had heard somebody say a local bike gang had 3 initiations that night. Not thinking much of it tess began dranking with her “friends” Soon to her surprise she began to experience the same behavior and hallucinatons i experienced. Tess went on to tell her that she herself was one of the iniations, she was later to be gang raped. The next morning she found out the same thing happened to two other girls that night in that town. The vehicle I had described to everyone and the man was a man tess knew personally. He was apart of the bike gang and his looks resemble my Step Uncle.The police did nothing. Tess told my mom her ex husband is dating Sams mom. They were all rumored to be on meth, and in with the bike gang. When they heard I was going to the bar with my friends they seen me as an oppoutunity for drugs. This I will never know for sure, but it makes the most sense to me personally.

I still remeber nothing of this night, all i do know for sure is it still haunts. I cannot sleep at night, only during the day, I often get paranoid the men will find me and shut me up. I’m scared of the thought of sex, men, and life itself. I’m scared to talk about my situation to anyone I know. I listen to the rumors people have made and it shakes me to my core. It makes me feel so angry and hurt. I have so many different emotions but all at the same time I am numb. I almost feel nothing, but still feel everything. I still don’t know how to handle it and sort out my feelings, but I do know that it will get better with time just like everything does, maybe not less painless but more manageable. I’m hoping to cope better with my life, have a day with normal, positive thoughts and no more dark days and nights spent wondering when will be the end for me.