Anonymous Story: K.S

This is my first step into accepting I was raped. I’ve waited 3 years to say that and I feel like now is my time to share. I am a male and I was raped by a female. Many people find it hard to believe but it happened and it’s something I very much did not ask for and did not want. This is my story.

It all started in secondary school, I live in the north east of England and often secondary schools are paired with colleges, they are called sixth forms. I was around 14 at the time and one of my best friends, (we’ll call him K) had a sister in sixth form (we’ll call her X). Me and K often had lunch together and usually would see X around the school. She would often come up to us and ask K how his day was going. One day X messaged me on Kik messenger and since that point she manipulated me, of course I had no idea because I was young at the time and didn’t really understand what was going on.

One thing led to another and over the course of 2 years she made me send her explicit photos of myself. I never “liked” what she made me do but I would do it for her because I thought I loved her. She was around the age of 19 and often exclaimed, “age is just a number” etc. K has no idea this was going on as she made me keep it a secret from everyone and I thought it was fair enough due to the age difference, I didn’t want her to be laughed at for going for someone much younger than her.

Before I knew it she was at university and would often ask me to come and see her, I declined as much as I could as I couldn’t lie to my mother about where I was going to spend a few days. Eventually she purchased tickets and told me I could stay in her university accomodation in Leeds and I wouldn’t need to worry about my mum as I could just say I was staying at a hotel in Leeds for some time away. I convinced myself it would make her happy so I stupidly accepted the offer.

She met me at my towns train station and took the train to Leeds with me (which I found odd because she was costing herself unnecessarily). Once arriving in Leeds I found it spectacular, huge buildings and busy streets. Once returning to her accomodation she gave me alcohol and claimed it’s all she had to drink. Me being young and dumb couldn’t see what she was doing and went along with it. It was a scary experience because I didn’t know Leeds, there was no one I could ask for help, I couldn’t run away because I was unfamiliar with my surroundings and my mother thought I was there alone. I didn’t want what happened but I happened and I needed to accept that.

Once returning to my town I decided not to contact X again. After a few months I told my sister and she helped me get into contact with the police, unfortunately the police didn’t want to help me and told me because im male I couldn’t have been raped. That still annoys me to this day.

No justice served for X and even worse K one of my former best friends messaged me. He has some how found out I had been to the police about his sister, his dad was head CID (under cover police) in my area but it wouldn’t make sense that he’d breach my confidentiality like that. The message essentially was him laughing at me and claiming I was crying to the police. He also decided to spread it to everyone in my school.

The next couple of months were the hardest. I felt like I had no one, that even though such a evil horrible person manipulated me everyone was against me. I tried to kill myself multiple times in the following months. Life felt impossible. Knowing no justice had been served to X and knowing the fact everyone was laughing at me begin my back was such a horrible feeling.

I used antidepressants daily, had to take time off school, failed most of my GCSEs all because of what happened. I have mostly recovered since, but it is still difficult to think about.

Since then X has been trying to get in the way of my life (trying to connect with my close freinds etc). Meaning I have to once again go out of my way to avoid her, even ending some close friendships to avoid getting laughed at again. I know I am a victim but I don’t feel like one the way people treat me.

This is my first steps to accepting what happened, I just hope one day I can feel like the normal boy again I was at one point.

Thank you

-L