Anonymous story: Its changed me forever

Anonymous story: Its changed me forever

Hey,so I’m here to try and help other people in a similar situation I was in it even to let them know they’re not alone,because I know for a fact I googled things to see if anyone else had a similar story to me and that I wasn’t alone!

Well guess what,you aren’t. Here’s my story.

So I’ve come from a very stable family a mum and dad that love each other very much and still do and a strong family,so all those stereotypes of you have to come from a fucked up family for something like this to happen to you is bullshit. Lets call him Luther,so Luther was my friends dad when I was around 12-13 I can remember the first time I met him and his then girlfriend the mother of my friend,they were very welcoming and invited me in and asked me if I would like anything they seemed lovely and kind. Anyway let’s cut the crap. So one day my friend dares me to flirt with Luther (my other friends dad) so being young and stupid I did and one dared turned into two and then I stopped telling my friend about what was happening and it blossomed into something else. Now I remember the first time he kissed me. Oh I forgot to tell you Luther was 40 and I was 12 going on 13 I’m sure but he likes to say I was 13 probably to somehow make him feel less guilty about it,we didn’t have sex until I was 13 but we’all get to that later,now where was I? The kiss. So I was playing football in the garage opposite his house and he calls me over to his I go in and we chat for a while then before I leave he rushes down the stairs and kisses me. I mean I completely freaked,I just ran from that house as fast as I could go. Now any normal young girl would run to their parents or whatever. But for some reason I didn’t,maybe it’s because I wanted it or atleast thought I did? Maybe it’s because I was scared to say anything encase he got into trouble as I knew I instigated it? Who knows but I didn’t say anything.i just kept going back to his house and more and more things started happening. I liked the attention,he gave me something I must have been missing at home. So as time went on we became closer and I would go over his house when no one was there and we would kiss and so on. Then one day I lost my virginity to him,it’s all very hazy to me now as it was a few years back but I remember not wanting to do it,I couldn’t say no because I was afraid of the reaction I would get and I didn’t say yes either.it was sort of just thrown upon me. Now to this day after a few months of therapy I’m still not too sure wether or not to blame myself for this because I was aware I was flirting with him and instigated the whole thing? Anyway time went on and we began having sexual more often I mean there is a lot more to it then that but I don’t have all day. I started getting the feeling he was having sex with my friend mum as she would stay over a couple of days in the week and so on,so I questioned him on it and he said no the first couple of times then after me being persistent finally told me he was which completely destroyed me inside as far as I knew we were in a relationship and he was Winn. Unfaithful to me which hurt,I was naive and young to think he wasn’t having sex with her. Then when I would cry to him over and over again he would say to me if I can handle the sistuation then he would leave me and we shouldn’t carry on whatever we were doing which would just absolute me break me because I didn’t know at that time how to live without him. So I had to deal with it I had to deal with him having sex with her whenever she stayed over and I would be upstairs with his son having a sleepover while I could hear him downstairs having sex with her,it hurt and it hurt real bad. This went on for maybe a year or two. Until they decided they didn’t want to be together as it was complicated or whatever. Which was great news for me. After a while though people stared getting suspicious of us like his kids and his family and they completely hated me. In the end I think most of his family hated my guts as I was around his house often and they would say he showed more attention to me than he did his kids which is right. He then cheated on me again with a woman from work. Christmas party fling or some crap. Which again just destroyed me. I used to lie to him. And say I was doing things with other people to just try and hurt him in the way that he hurt me.throughout ur whole relationship if you can even call it that I didn’t do anything with anyone.i just let him think I did to hurt him. What we had lasted 5 years. 5 years of my life as a teenager I will never ever get back. He took that from me. I used to think that what we had was a relationship. Until I started drinking and feeling crappy about myself and doing stupid things and getting into stupid relationships. I realised something wasn’t right.something has to be fixed in my mind because I’m going crazy. So I seeked therapy to help me understand what it was. I mean there is a ton of other Shit I’ve missed out on this but I’ll just leave it as it is for now but the therapy has helped me so so much. It’s helped me understand all the messed up crap in my head,that man took away my teenage years and fucked with my head! So please please if you’re going through something similar talk to someone about it,someone you trust,you’ll soon realise how many people are it there waiting to give you a helping hand in your shitty sistuation,don’t so what I did and not talk to anyone about it for the whole five years. Otherwise mine could have been over and done with years ago and I wouldn’t have to be sorting it out now. You’ll be fine. Speak up x

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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