Anonymous Story: I’m Fine

I haven’t thought of you in years; I must be fine

I have a life now, a healthy relationship, a career and success; I must be fine

I was drunk that night, my fake ID worked, I felt on top of the world; I must have been fine

I couldn’t refuse the shots you were buying, I was 19, this was so cool; I was fine

I was kicked out of the bar and couldn’t stand but you and your “brothers” carried me back to your house; I think I was fine

I inhaled the bong you shoved in my face, the room was spinning; I think I was fine

I thought there were other people in the room, but I couldn’t remember who; I think I was fine

I blacked out; I thought I was fine

You were on top of me, inside me, grunting, sweaty; I was not fine

I panicked, I was still so sick, it was hard to move, I begged you to stop; I was not fine

I blacked out; I thought I was fine

I didn’t remember where I was waking up, but there you were, everything felt so wrong; I was not fine

I thought you were a friend, I didn’t bother with my shoes as I scrambled out the door; I was not fine

It’s my fault, I was drunk, maybe I led him on; I thought I was fine

I avoided you, I avoided your name, I graduated, moved cities; I thought I was fine

I can’t talk to friends, I can’t talk to family, I can’t talk to anyone because part of me wants to believe it’s in my head; I’m fine.