Anonymous Story: I wish I could remember how it happened.

Anonymous Story: I wish I could remember how it happened.

I was going out to a party with my friends and I saw two guys who I knew from my ex boyfriend. If I only would’ve left my dorm a few minutes later or walked around a different way then maybe what happened to me never would’ve happened. I was already in a state of severe depression and I abused alcohol and pills to make me feel better. So needless to say I got pretty drunk pretty fast. I wasn’t staying in my room that night because my roommmate wanted to bring someone over so I wasn’t sure where I was going to end up sleeping. I somehow ended up calling one of the boys from earlier and my “friend” took my phone and told him to come get me because I was too drunk and had to go. The next day she told me that I was stumbling and slurring my words, but she still let me go with them. I know it’s wrong but i still have this anger inside of me at her for letting me go. When we got back to his room I remember crying and telling them not to tell my ex that I was here because he would be so mean to me. I remember going to the bathroom because I said I was going to be sick. The last thing I remember is returning to the room and falling on the bed. The only think I remember about after that is opening my eyes with him behind me and I said I was tired and said he knows because he could see my eyes were closed. The next day I woke up naked and alone. I got dressed and ran out of the building so nobody would see him. Then I messed up. I texted him. I asked him if he tried to wake me up. This is one of the reasons that my best friend, my ex boyfriend, accuses me of lying. I’ve tried to end my life since that night and was just kicked out of school because, “they didn’t have the resources to deal with me.” I blame myself and I don’t think I’ve learned since my drug and alcohol abuse has continued. I had bruises on my chest and pain between my legs. I wish I could remember how it happened. I don’t see closure coming for me any time soon. My school hasn’t helped me, my friends let me, and the one person who I thought would’ve always been by my side when I needed him doesn’t believe me. “Drunk actions are sober thoughts” as he says.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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