Anonymous Story: I Was Raped By Three Men

January 8 2017 I was attended a Kappa Alpha Psi (fraternity) event at a local jazz club in Gulfport, MS. I was extremely excited because I was networking, trying to get something accomplished for my university. Upon my arrival I met a gentleman (Kappa) outside of the club, asking if I was in the correct place for the event. He said yes and walked me inside. There he starts introducing me to different people, telling them what I was trying to accomplished. I felt like I was on the right track. About thirty minutes later, the same guys come to me and asked if I’d like a drink and I said sure. There at the bar is where I met this guy’s cousin and another one of his Kappa brothers. Turning my back from this guy I was still conversing with other guys. I turned back to get my drink and started engaging in more conversation with the guys cousin at the bar. Soon it was 10 p.m. and the event was over. The guy and his cousin gave me the impression that the event was going to continue at their place of business which was a travel bus business. I was however feeling different. It was a loopy kind of feeling. I had not eaten the entire day so I just figured it was a little light headed from my drinks (2), but I agreed to go. His cousin then volunteers to ride with me, in which I said it was fine. Following behind his cousin in my , he stops at a local gas station and asked if I wanted a beer, I said sure. When coming back to the car, we proceeded to ride off. At this point all I can remember is dark roads and trees. I can’t even remember driving to this place. I remember the guy riding with me repeating that I am swerving. When we arrived to this place, it was totally empty, just a few buses parked outside with no other cars. The only people there were me, the Kappa I met the first guy, his cousin, and another Kappa. When they got out of their cars, my feelings were mixed. I must have been afraid because I didn’t want to get out. I couldn’t leave it was an unexplainable feeling really, like a feeling of being scarred to leave, however the guy who rode in my car kept assuring me that everything was going to be fine. I can remember making a joke, but being serious saying, “I am not that type of girl, I don’t do trains,” meaning I don’t have sex with three men at once. I told him. I just wanted to sit in the car and wait for others. So I started drinking the beer. I honestly sat in my car thirty minutes, and the entire time I was sitting the guys kept coming out to the car getting me to come in, but they also would just stand in the door of the business watching me in my car. I know I didn’t want to go in there. Finally, the only thing that got me up from my car and into that building is the fact that I had to pee, and that is the only reason I got out. Walking in, the feeling I had was fearful. I was extremely nervous. All three men walked me upstairs, there was one leading and two behind me. I was extremely uncomfortable with those men behind me, I’d never forget that feeling. I used the restroom, opened the door and all three were standing there waiting on me. When I came out of the restroom, instead of walking me back down stairs, they walked me to the room next door to a dark room with a bed. I can remember them leaving the light on. This is where everything gets fuzzy, but I can remember enough to describe. The guy that rode in my car came in first. He started to touch me and tried kissing me, but I can remember telling him I wanted to leave, and he became annoyed. Somehow my clothes were off. (This I’m trying to remember the best way I can) He started taking off my boots then the rest of my clothes. He then he raped me. Laying in the bed I can remember looking in the in the doorway and in the light the other two guys were watching, more like waiting. After the guy (who was the cousin) was done with me, the Kappa brother comes in, and that’s when I sat up and said, no I can’t do this, and feeling so embarrassed. I kept saying no, but he assured me its okay and laid me back down on the bed. He said “it’s fine”. He then raped me and all I did was lay there, I didn’t scream, I didn’t fight, I just laid there. After he was finished, I laid back up and was so embarrassed and said “I think I just go raped!” They kept saying that I didn’t. I said “yes I did, you just raped me!” He then pulled his pants back up and he left. Lastly, was the guy I first met. It was his turn, so he then raped me. He was very rough, it was extremely hard and my vagina was dry so it was a little painful. Again all I did was lay there and not fight, not scream. I looked to my left this time and his cousin was standing there and I lifted my hand and said “help!” He just stood there watching. After they were done abusing my body, mind, and spirit, then tried turning on the light, but I wouldn’t let them. I was humiliated and so embarrassed. I was so ashamed of what just happened. Like did I just do this or was I just raped. After putting on my clothes I was walked downstairs and outside to my car, again I said, “I believe I just got raped!” They were saying I didn’t, we only just had a good time. I then drove off behind them to find my way out. He stopped his car and pointed me in the right direction. I remember getting in my bed. I don’t even remember driving home. I woke up the next morning, went outside and sat on my patio chair. I broke out in tears. I knew from the night before that I had just been raped by three men, and the hardest thing for me to do right then and there was to go outside in the front of my house and tell my husband what had just happened to me. So I got up, walked out my garage door saw my husband washing the car broke down crying. He asked what was wrong and I told him “I think I was raped last night.” He was so angry, told me to go inside. Blamed me for being too trusting told me in order for him to believe me, I had to call the cops. I told him I didn’t want to call the cops, he said it’s the only way he’d believe me. So I did was I was made to do. I called the cops, was taken by ambulance to the hospital to do a rape kit, and spent the majority of that day in the hospital talking to various cops about the incident. The entire ordeal was humilitating, emotional, and exhausting. I would never put another human being through what I went through. The saddest part of this entire ordeal is that the investigators, after my first statement made, never returned my calls or emails. I gave up and have been dealing with it ever since. I deal with it internally. I don’t know what else I can do besides deal with what happened. They all have families and children, these men walk around free and happy knowing they have raped a woman that they drugged. Which was in my toxicology reports. I’m not even quite sure if I have learned from what has happened to me, because I take ecstasy to escape the pain I feel mentally and internally. I’d rather feel nothing than to feel everything. This rape is always on my mind, I can’t escape it. I had no support from my husband and none from my parents, my mother who also said I should have not gone. I take responsibility for none of it. Rape is not a victims fault, none of it.

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