Anonymous Story: I Was Raped By My Coworker That I Worked With at a High School

In November of 2017, I got a text from someone I didn’t know. It turned out it was a coworker. He had gotten my phone number from the Google doc from the high school we both worked at. The first two months of school, I didn’t talk with anyone, but he would talk with me on a daily occasion. So I did text him back, but thought nothing of it as I had no interest in him as he was 10 years older than me and had a 12 year old daughter at the time. The texting began to become a daily occurrence. One night after I left work he texted me and commented about how I took off so fast from work. He told me I could have come over. And told me because I took off so fast I missed out. I then ended up going over to his house the next night. This is where he told me how much he hates most of his coworkers except for 1 or 2 of them. I said, “Dang, what do you say about me?” At that point all he ever did was seem very caring and loving towards me, like he wanted the best for me. He was even encouraging me to coach track for another school because he knew i was a good athlete. I had gotten to his house around 7 and as I was about to leave at 9, he told me “Where are you going? Do you have a curfew? Are you married and expected to be at home right now? Come to my room, I need a massage.” So I ended up staying. Seeing I didn’t like him or attracted to him sexually I thought I was safe. When I rubbed his back, it felt weird but no big deal I thought. The entire time, he kept dropping the word “sex” and then saying “just kidding.” When he rubbed my back, he did begin touching me sexually and I let him. He asked me if I was on birth control and I told him no. He also told me that he seems to have no control with me and told me we should probably stop for tonight and I said yes because it was midnight. Back at work he was very friendly with me and always laughing with me. He then invited me over 3 days later. That night the same kind of thing happened. But at first we cuddled. Based on what I was dealing with from a break up, cuddling felt really good to me. I had told him I was struggling and he told me he would never do anything to hurt a girl. He also told me that the people that truly know him in Oregon know he would never do anything with a girl to hurt them. After getting to know him better at a deeper level I was beginning to develop some sort of feelings for the guy. However, I was just not there to having sex. I kissed him once or twice. He Then took off his clothes and mine. Then when it seemed to be getting to that point we could potentially go all the way, I told him “You realize we have to use condoms if we do it.” And he said he didn’t have any. I told him to go to the store and he told me that I should have gotten them at target. Then he said “Oh, it’s okay we don’t have to do it tonight.” And I was okay with that. It was evident he wanted to have sex with me, but he made it clear we weren’t going to do it. Then suddenly he jumped on top and began rubbing his penis around my vagina area. I almost pushed him off and tears rolled down my cheeks because he had just told me we weren’t going it. The thought in my head was, “Wait, you just told me we weren’t doing it. I made it very clear that we couldn’t do it if we didn’t use protection.” Then my rational was, well I guess we are doing it even though we just said we weren’t. And I just laid there in disbelief and let him do it. Then he pulled out and the cum got in my hair. And I went and took a shower and mentally and emotionally I shut down in his shower. He asked me if I was okay and I told him “I don’t know.” He asked me if I’d ever talk to him again and I told him “I don’t know.” He then told me I wanted it and I had kissed him. At this point I couldn’t look at him. I felt like I was going to pass out and I also felt like my body was weighing me down. Once I got out of the shower I frantically was looking for my clothes. At one point I found myself on the floor not able to get up. He told me it was just my insecurities shinning through. Once again when I was working on leaving he asked me if I had a curfew and also asked me if I was married and expected to go home. He asked me why I was leaving in such a hurry. He was acting all worried and then suddenly he said “I’m not going to worry about this.” Then when I put my shoes on he asked me if I was going to tell our managers that I couldn’t work with him anymore. I told him I wouldn’t do that. Once I got home, I ended up taking another shower because I felt dirty and I cried for a very long time. I felt so depressed. The worst part is, is at first I thought it was because he got his stuff in my hair. The next morning I still didn’t feel well and I didn’t know why. Even when I went running I felt weird in that area and I was confused. I began going on 2 hour runs daily and I didn’t know why. About 5 days later the guy asked me if I wanted more. I said well, whenever I come over again sure. Then he said something about probably not in my hair. I told him that made me feel uncomfortable. He texted back saying he should be careful with me and called me a rookie… newbie… amateur. That made me feel really bad. Come Monday, he asked me in front of another lady, “when are you going to settle down and start a family?” Or asked me if a guy gave me their phone number because I had my locker combo on the inside of my wrist. At the basketball game I was working he texted me stating I looked like a student while he just stared at me from across the gym. When I got home I decided I couldn’t be around him so I used a sick day. That night I couldn’t sleep and the morning I couldn’t get out of bed. I stayed in bed until 2 pm and then went running. The next day I returned to work and looked like death. I felt so unbelievably uncomfortable around him to the point I asked to talk with him. He laughed it off and told me to relax. Then after that he began to laugh at me every time he saw me in the halls. He also made condescending remarks towards me in front of others. That weekend he was spamming me stupid pictures. Come Monday again he was laughing at me in the halls. Monday night i had a psychotic breakdown and contemplating killing myself. I had the alcohol and the pills to do it. But aborted the decision to not do that as I decided it would destroy my family and the people that cared about me. Instead I drank so i could forget the pain. A friend of mine took me to my car and I told them I’d sleep it off. Then I woke up to police knocking on my window. I wanted to die because I thought my life was over. They made me do the tests. However, even though I failed the tests, they let me go. They told me they weren’t going to just leave me out there. I didn’t want anyone to know and seeing that guy didn’t want anyone to know about what he did to me, I thought he was a good choice. Clearly I was wrong. Nothing happened to me that night with him. He asked me what was wrong and I told him I was trying to forget what he did to me. He told me it wasn’t his fault. He then told me I have an alcohol problem and that I should go to AA. I told him no, I don’t have this problem and that I told him that what he did to me wasn’t okay and that I didn’t deserve that and I’m trying to not feel the pain he inflicted on me. He then told me I needed to get help. I told him 4 times that what he did to me wasn’t okay. The harassment continued but went to a whole new level. Then that Thursday he was building me up to all of our coworkers at a dinner. But then back at work he was giving me evil looks and trying to get me into trouble or laughing at me in the halls. Then I received an email stating I was being moved to a different building. I was convinced he had something to do with it. He then was being very nice and supportive and told me to keep in contact. Over winter break I couldn’t get out of bed and was very depressed. My friend from high school running camp had gotten in contact with me. He noticed a difference immediately. I told him everything and he told me that what happened to me was rape. He told me how I reacted even drinking like I did was because that was reaction to being raped. Girls don’t just go from the last time drinking in October of 2015 to be getting picked up by the cops for alcohol over 2 years later. That’s not normal behavior. I didn’t know what rape was as it is something that never crossed my mind. Nor did I ever think I would put myself into a position like that. I told my friend no one would believe me because people think he is a good person. On new years I went out and then as a joke because I began to see this guy for who he was, I did text him saying I needed someone like him to help with my drinking. I did it because I was mad at him for what he did to me, I didn’t do that because I needed his help. Then once I got back from break I was okay. Then this one girl that’s the swim coach told me she thinks she knows the guy that was creating problems for me. She said he was creeping on her and then showed up at the swim meet and the assistant coach saw this behavior as well. When she told me that I about cried and told her that he played me so bad. Then I began to wonder if there are others. I asked a student teacher if she had experienced anything with that guy. The reason I asked her was because the guy made reference to her multiple times about how hot she was and even had the look in his eyes as if she was a piece of meat. That same day we had meetings and the guy that raped me was there. We had no interaction with one another which I was okay with. It also confirmed it was good I was no longer working at the high school. He kept staring at me from across the room for long periods of time. I wanted to leave because I wanted to cry. That is when I told my friend again and that is when he did some digging and found that the man that raped me was arrested for this in 1997…. 2002…. And 2006. The funny thing is that the man that raped me told me he became fully sober in 2013. And he was trying to convince me I had a drinking problem. I then texted him telling him to be nicer to people as he is far from perfect himself. Then my friend told me I needed to go to the police. I told him no police as it will affect my job and I’m trying to move on. Then I told my friend about the student he is always laughing with and neglecting the student that he should be working with as she is not even in the room. I had gotten her number as I was leaving the high school and also she had asked me to workout with her in the mornings as the man that raped me asked her to workout with him. This made my friend concerned. He ended up texting the student saying this man was a rapist and an endangerment to young girls. In the morning, I then received an email for a 1 hour meeting with the director of human resources with another administrator. I freaked out because I was convinced I was done for. I didn’t even know why we were having the meeting. Then my friend told me the police called him because he texted the student. I told him that was a bad idea because it’s going to screw me over now. In the meeting they told me the man that raped me said I was making unwanted contact. I got out a journal I had been documenting in about everything. The HR lady then called the police and made me tell her EVERYTHING. I told her about the guy that sent the text. I told them about what the man that raped me did to me and what he was doing after. They asked me if I had a drinking problem and asked me why I went to the guys house that raped me after the cops picked me up. The next day the police came to my school I work at and I had to make a statement. It was really hard. I still didn’t fully grasp the fact that what happened to me was rape. But it also made sense as I have been an emotional mess. I had to talk with 3 different counselors to confirm it was rape. Sadly, the DA declined to press charges. I did read the police report. The man that raped me tried to take me down big time. He instigated the entire thing. He was the reason as to why I had to talk to HR. He lied to the police about what he did to me and tried to make me sound obsessed with him and as if I had a drinking problem. He still works at the school as well. He did so many bad things to me and still works with children. Doesn’t seem fair. Now the only thing he is to me is, “P. E.”, the man that is in my police report. The man that raped me. Never forgotten.