Anonymous Story: I Was Only 15

He had asked me out twice before and I had refused. I knew him, we had had sex before so I thought that this time was fine, that it had just been a bit too forceful; a misunderstanding.

Time passed by and it kicked in. When my first ever boyfriend left me last November, my nudes getting posted on social media and going through a second sexual assault, it’s like my mind decided to finally process what had happened. It took me four months to admit to myself it was rape.

This happened during July 2018, I was 15 at the time. He had clearly decided to see me with the only intention to have sex with me again but I did not see things the same way and made it clear from the first minute. Fast forward twenty minutes, he was holding my hand guiding me towards the nearest public bathroom. I answered his kiss at first. Perhaps was it my mistake. However, when I decided it was enough, that I wanted to leave it there, he did not give me a choice. He closed the door, took my clothes off and only once he had obtained what he wanted did he ask me to say yes. He calls it consent.

Today I’m 16 years old and I can say that I’m luckier than most. It could have been worse. Yet, I have found myself to have lost all trust in men. I don’t know what else to say, it’s just my story. I’m scared of truly opening up. People might not believe me. They might think it was my fault. Maybe. I’m not certain. All I know is that it happened, call it rape or not. I just send all my love to yall out there. You are beautiful, you deserve the world and don’t let anyone bring you down. Ever. You can do it.

I’m not here to put blame on anyone, not even myself anymore. I’m here to get a weight off my back and spread love. I don’t hold any bad feelings. Not even against him. Life taught me that there is more than hate.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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