Anonymous Story: i can’t get over it

I really need to get it off my chest. Just 2 people know about this, It’s killing me from the inside for about 6 months. On the night of 7th of January, I went to my cousin’s house for her birthday. I was talking to this guy for a couple of days, He was a year younger than me ( i am 16 and he’s 15), he was cute and funny and he lived super close to my cousin, just 2 houses away. Anyway, it was midnight and we met and we kissed, and a hour later, he said that he was home alone and i should go to his place. I already had a little bit to drink BUT I WASN’T DRUNK I SWEAR!!! Around 1am i went to his house, Biggest mistake of my life.

Of course we kissed and then we started to undress eachother. We went to his bedroom and we had left just our underwear on. Then he had tried to put his fucking dick inside me and i said no!! I did not want to have sex, I wasn’t ready and he didn’t even had a condom. He insisted..a lot..But my answar was always no. Then the nightmare begun. He tried to convince me by fingering me. I wasn’t wet at all beacuse i was uncomfortable. He tried with 2 fingers and it hurt so much. And then he tried to get inside me again but i pushed him. Then he tried with 3 fingers anf it hurt soo much. I tried to get him off me but he was strong. he tries again to get inside me and i said no and he says yes and he held my hands up to my head and i couldn’t to anyrhing. I was so scared. I try to push him and i cick him in the balls. Then he was out of me (he jut put the head in) and he started fingering me again. I felt so lifeless. I was stareing at the ceiling and i was so scared. i was in so much pain. with my hands i crumbled the sheet. in that moment i felt like i died, I couldn’t do nothing. I finally came and he was so proud. I was in so much physical pain. After a while his older brother came home super drunk. I was naked in his bed and i was scared. He told me to get dressed and go home. When i went home i couldn’t talk or sit, I was so shocked.
The next day i was with my friend, still in shock because my bff touched my thigh and i fucking shivered!! I was shivering when someone touhed me
That guy was still messeging me but everytime i would see a messege from him i would ball my eyes out. I finally blocked him and i thought that i had control but i was wrong. Today, after 6 months i saw him. And i am here, in tearsm writing this and wanting to peel off my skin because he touched every single inch of it.