Anonymous Story: he was the VP of a frat

Anonymous Story: he was the VP of a frat

I was a freshman in college, it was spring quarter – a time when class loads are lighter, everyone is excited for the sun to finally come out after a long, strenuous, difficult winter quarter. The booze was also flowing. The first half of the quarter was filled with many fun nights. It seemed like every weekend was full of potential and nothing could stop me and the fun I was having. Until Saturday, April 27th.
I was going out with my big (from my sorority) to a date party with our sorority and another fraternity that I had not yet been to before. It was a “Vegas Wedding” style party where one of the seniors from our sorority was getting “married” to her boyfriend in this specific fraternity. It was a fun night, I was with my girls, my big was very close to these guys and I thought I was safe. I felt comfortable. I was also severely drunk. Around 1 am I decided I was too drunk, and I needed to leave. I was planning on meeting up with a guy who I had been hanging out with consistently and texted him that I was on my way back to his place. I walked outside the party and headed through the parking lot to walk back towards the on-campus dorms. As I was walking down the road, I remember looking up and noticing someone running towards me. He asked me if I was okay and if I needed someone to walk me home. I told him no, that I was okay and could make it back just fine as I had done many times before this quarter. He told me he was the vice president and that he wanted to make sure I was getting home safe and insisted he walked me home.
I resisted multiple times but eventually gave in because I was starting to black out from drinking. I remember him taking my phone to put in his pocket and he grabbed my hand as I stumbled forward. There are many parts to this story that I have no recollection of but there are a few extremely vivid memories.
We were outside the business building when I remember him grabbing my face and kissing me. He asked if it was okay but I was so completely out of it I froze. I didn’t move, I didn’t say anything but he kept kissing me and grabbing me. He led me to a bench outside the building and started pushing my head towards his crotch and asked for a blow job. I don’t remember anything except staring up at the lights in the business building while on my knees.
The next thing I remember is being walked into a different building on campus and being brought into an unlocked, pitch black classroom. I was nearly entirely blacked out but knew he was there because I could feel him. I was bent over a desk as he raped me from behind.
I somehow made it back to the dorms and remember standing in the field outside my building with my phone back in my hand, alone. It was now 2:30 in the morning.
I woke up the next morning unable to move from immense pain and discomfort to find multiple bleeding wounds on my knees, bruises on my arms and back, cuts on my face, and a completely swollen vagina. I just laid there trying to recollect my thoughts on how such a fun night turned so terribly horrible awry.
I confided in my roommate, and best friend, that morning and she guided me through the next steps. I chose to take a shower knowing I would not be able to get a rape kit done after doing so. I just wanted to forget about it and pretend it didn’t happen. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t eat, I felt alone and isolated and guilty. I felt like I was just a stupid blacked out freshman asking for it to happen to me. How could I have been so stupid to let this happen?
Thankfully, my roommate consoled me – which somehow made me feel worse because she had to deal with my mess – and cleaned my wounds, helped me take pictures in case I wanted to report in the future so I would have evidence of the trauma I endured.
It took weeks to heal, I could barely move or bend one of my knees from how swollen and cut up it was. I still have scars and I have to look at them every day and be reminded of what happened to me.
For a while after, I felt like I was floating. I felt so out of control and like I couldn’t do anything. Laying in bed, covered in blankets was the only thing that gave me some sense of relief. I stopped going to class, going to meetings, my grades plummeted. When I wasn’t in bed I was smoking weed or drinking, anything to forget about what happened.
I told my big, who is friends with several guys from that fraternity, and she helped me begin the process of getting this guy kicked out of the fraternity. I didn’t want to go through all the legal hell that I knew was associated with Title IX so I filed a complaint with the fraternity specifically. I was worried they wouldn’t believe me because he was the VP and I was just a freshman. They listened to my written testimony and to his side of the events, then took a vote during a chapter meeting. They ended up stripping him of his title of vice president and was not allowed to graduate as an alum from that fraternity.
While getting some sense of justice I thought I was okay. Until I later found out he was permitted, by the same men who listened to my story and said they believed me, to participate in the rest of the fraternity of events for the year. I felt betrayed. I couldn’t understand why they would still associate themselves with him.
Although he is no longer on campus as he was a senior and graduated in June of that year, I still feel uneasy. It is hard to walk through those buildings and know what happened.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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