Anonymous Story: He Said He Doesn’t Remember

This could either be a long story, or it can be short. Depending on the information I give.
Sunday October, 3rd/ 2010. 8 years ago. It was a good day and on that day I was set to run a 5KM marathon. I had just turned 16 about a week before. The day went great, the marathon was great, but I, was not. Do not run a marathon with no training, or stretching. Plus, being a smoker didn’t help. My body was done.
He came home that day and I jokinly asked, “Hey, wanna give me a leg massage?” Since my legs were killing me, knowing the answer will be no, I still thought I’d try. The answer was no.
He was someone to banter with and was at my level in humor. I was happy my uncle married his mom. I had wished he was my real cousin instead of the biological cousin I had been given.
Tuesday October, 5/ 2010. I was in the living room, watching t.v, getting ready for bed. He came in the front door, acting like he did every day and asked if I still wanted a leg massage. Studdened at the offer, I said yes so quickly because I knew it was a blue moon thing. And to be honest, my legs hurt so badly. I thought nothing much of it. My aunt heard me ask earlier for one and laughed at my half joke, half serious question. A calve massage. I thought of him as an older brother, yhere was no threat or reason for me to worry. He said he’d shower quickly since he had been out that night. I decided to go to my bedroom and change into loose shorts. Also, when he was done, I can just go to bed. The shorts were down to my knees, so he knew what he was touching and pretty much keeping the end of my shorts as a line of how far to go. I laid on my bed waiting. I had laid on my stomach and had the shorts wrapped around my legs so the fabric was right on my skin and couldn’t see up my shorts. When he came into my bedroom, he had a towel on around his waist. I thought it was strange, but i thought he was going to do a quick massage and go back to his room to finish his night off. Between 10pm and 11pm was the worst hour of my life. The time i rememever since Teen Mom OG was playing and we were talking about it during the massage. Season 2, episode 11, “Too much Too soon”
I then realized he started massaging the backs of my thigh. I thought it was weird, but like i had mentioned earlier, I trusted him like i would a brother. I did start tensing my body though as a way of signaling my comfort level is being pushed. Then, he went further and further. I felt myself frozen in time. Unable to move, process the t.v, my thoughts, the situation. Completely in shock of what’s happening. He was inside of me. Doing what he wanted while i lay on my bed motionless. He then has the nerve, the audacity to ask if I am okay while still assualting me. I know he did it to assure himself that what he is doing, is okay. I just wanted for everything to be over. It was. And when it was, I grabbed my diary trying to write what just happend to me. I couldn’t write it. I was shaking, I was in shock, I couldnt believe this had just happened to me from someone I thought I trusted.
I just had to go to sleep and forget it happened. When I woke up, I remembered everythint. I was overwhelmed with guilt, embarassment, and just dirty. I didn’t like my skin or me.
Later thay day I get a text while working. Its from him. He said, “Hey. I think somebody slipped something in my drink last night. Did I do anything i shouldn’t?” I replied wirh “No.”
If he “forgets,” i just want too as well. And I did. I seen him everyday in my home. I couldnt take it and moved out of the province to my hometown that summer.
I did my best to block it out. It’s been 8 years. There were days I remembered it and was able to push it aside. But not now. It’s like a boomerang that keeps coming back and won’t go away.
I’m hoping this will help me. I’m still to ashamed to talk to anyone face to face so I hope posting on here in hopes this will help me block it out for another 8 years. Thanks for reading my story.