Anonymous Story: he doesn’t even know what he did to me

I was 16, at a party wiyh my boyfriend of 16 I was drunk, we went upstairs to make out, we made out in this one room and this room had this huge cupboard and bathroom. We were in there and he got upset/mad that I didnt want to have sex and that I was teasing him or whatever. So he was mad. People knocked outside the cupboard so we left. He was like walking away to go downstairs from all sulky and I didn’t want to fight I was drunk and it always hightens my emotions so it would have made me sad to fight.

I tried to reach for him to talk so he took me to this room to talk. We were on this mattress just hugging I was sad, I felt so bad, I kissed him and whatever and then there were people outside the door. This room also had a walk in cupboard and bathroom. We went in there and we locked the door, he was going through this chicks room looking for condoms. I told him I didnt want to have sex. He was tellimg me he loves me and that he want tell anyone. We were making out in the bathroom and he was trying to touch me I didnt want to. He pulled down my tights and panties.

We were sitting over the bath and I kept saying I didnt want to but I wasnt fighting him, I was so drunk that I couldn’t control myself although i was feeling fine if you can understand.

I was on top of him, he just put it in a bit, I couldn’t feel anything I was drunk and numb. I couldn’t believe it went in I kept asking if it actually happened saying no . Then I knew it was done and over, I was a slut.  he put me over the bath and did me it hurt so much I was just looking in the mirror thinking about how I’m a good girl and I dont want to do this it breaks my heart, I’m a slut. He didnt even use a condom he didnt care. Afterwards he said he loves and he said we would be forever. We just left the room and pretended it never happened.

I still feel so guilty I didn’t love him at all I told myself I did so it wouldn’t be so bad. he’d mess with my head aftrt that and use love as a tactic.