Anonymous Story: DMH, my father, molested his daughters starting at ages 5

I remember thinking my dad was the most amazing person I knew one day and the next day I had to learn ways to avoid him and protect myself from him. He started by coming into my room with a Vaseline jar to “play games”, “this is what loving father’s did” I was told. I remember getting out of bed because I was hurting and bleeding at age 5. Later I realized I had been sodomized, but at 5 I did not understand what was happening. I tried to tell my mother, but the usual, not the right words to describe what happened and no one believed a child in the 1960’s. I, then, put a hook and eye lock on the inside of my bedroom door, rolled up in my blanket like it was a rug so that no one could touch me, and never slept well from that night on. I stayed close to my brother’s, studied hard, school was my only positive, and dreamed of the day when I would be out of that house. I went to nursing school, read anything I could on the subject, there were just a handful of articles in the library. And, I was able to listen in on counseling sessions of my young patients while a student and realized that is was not just me alone. Then, one day I realized my sister that was 12 years younger was now being molested. I told my mother and her reply to me was that your father said “it only happened once”. Like once was acceptable behavior? At that point I realized that I was essentially an orphan. I had left my parents at age 14 to live with my grandmother, finished high school a year early, and paid for my own college by working every free hour. My family was upset that I upset the apple cart, but I was prepared for the “shoot the messenger” response. I had read about it. It still happens today in my family, so I see them for 2 hours at Christmas and that is all. I thought I married well, but my own husband from an alcoholic family’s response was that he wish he had understood the implications of molestation on a young girl and woman. Anything that went wrong was blamed on me and history, nevermind that we all have some kind of disturbing history. I am now divorced, working as a nurse practitioner. My daughter was never molested and is a lawyer that helps children. My son is an acupuncturist and therapist and sensitive to women and children. I am glad to see women speaking out. I was so sure that I had caused the problem at age 5 and it took me 20 years to speak up. I will always wish I had that father that was loving and protective, so that I would have married a man in kind. But, I am safe in a home that I own and a job in which I am respected as a female practitioner. I count these blessings. I do think we have a long, long way to go. I wish women would boycott anything that is detrimental to women. I do not own a TV or subscribe to cable for this reason and watch nothing that portrays women as anything, but the strong persons that we are. My heart and love goes out to all.

PS I have posted my father’s name. I think there should be a special register for father’s and step father’s that molest their daughters. It is even worse when you have to live with the enemy and they destroy your trust and your relationship with your mother.

Author

WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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