Anonymous Story: Dead inside

My night started with a few beer and good laughs at a party I was invited to by an aquintance. I had been working hard and basically had no social life. I was desperate for attention, I wanted to let loose and have fun. No matter how desperate I was attention, I never asked for this. Through out the night, I got to know people but they were all still strangers. There was this one guy, he hung around me all night, stared at me all night… and I liked the attention. At one point I never even thought about It, but I left my wine glass unattended. Soon after that I was stumbling all over the place. I don’t remember anything past the point that I was invited by a group of people I had around me most of the night back to their house. After that… I blacked out. The next morning I woke up in the strange guys bed, the same guy that has been staring at me all night. I woke up to him penetrating me… He told me that the previous night I told him he could fuck me while I slept. I was shocked, I felt defeated. I felt like I was nothing, that I had failed myself and I might as well let him fuck me and get some kind of enjoyment out of my pain and shock. Does this sound up? … I hated him penetrating me… at the same time I felt like it was my fault and I deserved to get fucked against my will. He was fucking me like an animal… It felt good but it also felt bad. I was so confused. I was so shocked and I’m struggling with the guilt. I feel dead inside.