Anonymous Story: “Danny” my friend

Anonymous Story: “Danny” my friend

Okay hello, i’m here to talk about my story. I haven’t told many people. I feel really alone and worthless. I’ve been keeping this story to myself for a year. I don’t feel like i matter. or my story. but here i go…this is very sensitive to me, i don’t even know if it counts.

So about a year ago my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me, and i was crushed. Within 12 hours he deleted everything from our relationship on social media. I made him a lot of art work of us, and he deleted everything, changed his bio and profile picture, he also unblocked his exes, and just tried to stay away from me, he barely texted me,he left me in the dust after 12 hours from the break up. it crushed my heart, i kept trying to talk to him, he said we could still be friends and maybe in the future if he wasn’t in a relationship at 19 he would love to date me again. He treated me like he never loved me. this was my first breakup, i was crazy about him, he was so hot and had a great personality, i fell for him so fast. it was the first time i tried taking a relationship seriously, so when he broke up with me ….it killed me. i was a mess after the breakup, i didn’t know what to do i was going down a really dark hole, i was always so emotional, so the next week i tried talking to him, we barely talked, and we haven’t called since the break up ( this was around december) i had to go to a family party, and i got bullied the entire time, i walked away and cried and texted my ex boyfriend, because i neededd his comfront , he said we could call after the family party, i was so happy,,,i remember i stopped crying and smile so big,, i missed callling him so much. so an hour later when i was headed home, i told him, i was on my way home, and he said he was going to bed and disappeared. he left me… he treated me like i was nothing. i felt worthless. i went home and cried for hours,,i couldn’t sleep. i ended up just blocking him after i saw him talking to someone else. i left. my heart completely crushed by my first love. i didn’t look back. after i blocked him i did the stupidest thing i could have done in the situation, i went looking for someone else, i wanted a boyfriend so badly to just comfort me, even though i wasn’t over my ex. i still wrote about him, and thought about him constantly, i had a breakdown in school because of the break up. i wasn’t over him, but i pretended like i was. i remember i went to another party, but it was a friends party with all my mom’s friend, i didn’t know any of them. (this was about 3 weeks after the break up) i was talking to the guys, and this guy, named danny ( not actual his name) came up to me, him and i started talking, he was 19 while i was 16 ( freshly 16) i wasn’t interested at first with him, i was interest in his friend who was 16 as well, but danny and i talked most of the time and we kinda hit it off, he seemed cool, he had a job and a car, and everything. i gave him my facebook and we started talking. the next day we planned a date at his home ( he lived with his parents) my parents were really cool with this, a little too cool…my mom already wanted me to marry him. i remember i went to his home and he had pizza there for me, which was shocking, i had never had anyone outside my family buy me food before, he got a lot of it too. we ate and played game,,, and cuddled…it was my first time cuddling anyone before, it was weird…i thought i would feel something, but i didn’t,,,i thought about my ex the whole time. it was like i wasn’t there…after we cuddled we ended up kissing…i did it because i wanted to show myself i was over my ex. but felt nothing. i still thought about my ex. after that date he and i kept talking and seeing each other, he came over to my house at my parents loved him… a lot . my mom was crazy about him and even started ccrying tears of happiness that he and i were together. he and i at this point were makingout most of the time he was over at my home, barely did anything else. he would get hard and i would kinda not feel anything, i just wanted to show myself i was over my ex. danny would buy me so much food,,,like every time we would meet up he’d buy me food. he would also call me everytime he’d get a break at work which was 3 times a day and we would call for a while at night. we’d mostly talk sexually to each other, he showed me his porn he liked, and i show him the porn i liked, he made fun of the porn i liked and made me feel like shit. he never said sorry. he wanted me to keep showing him the porn i liked but i stopped. he never posted about me, he kept our relationship mostly secret, which i kinda didn’t like , when i asked him about it he said ” i dont want people thinking i wanna fuck kids.”. which made sense to me. we shared nudes to each other, he shared his nudes first i believe. he sent me many jacking off videos, i never watched or saved. i never really liked that kinda stuff. he’d ask for me to send him pics of my face at random times, which made me feel good. he always would call me cute and pretty and said “it’s make a good mom”. i remember his mom didn’t really like me, and tried to break us up. she even threatened to kick him out the house, and my parents said he could live with us, but him and i would have to get married, which was REALLY scary i wasn’t ready for marriage i was 16, and him and i barely really knew each other, he kept telling me how he wanted to marry me to, my parents and him were really pushing me to marry him, i really didn’t want to, i still wasn’t over my ex. i tried telling them but they kept pushing it. we didn’t get married but we would have if he was kicked out of his house for being with me. he got me a Christmas gift that was worth 75 bucks. i got him some stuff worth 25 bucks. he was always buying me stuff, i felt so guilty, at one point he was going to give me an iphone 7. here comes the bad part of my story. him and i had been dating for about 3 weeks at this point he had already gotten me over $350 worth of food and other stuff, one night him and I snuck out and we were in his car, and we started kissing and such one thing lead to another and we were unclothed, this was my first time getting this far with someone, i felt nothing, i kept pushing myself to feel something for this person sexually, and i really didn’t. i remember , i told him ” i want to have sex” and he was like ” okay. lets do this” i asked him if he had a condom he said ” no, raw is better anyway. i’ll pull out” and he came over to me, and started to push himself inside me very roughly, it hurt badly, i said “ow, please stop” but it continued… i dont know if he heard me…but i felt nothing everything felt painful, and he was being really rough with me, i didn’t like it. i told him “to stop my parents are here” which they were, they didn’t see us although. he pulled out and came. i felt nothing . i kissed him. and he drove off while i walked inside. it was my first time. and i felt nothing but pain. everything hurt…i went to the bathroom and sat in there trying to process what happen. i didn’t know how i felt …i was 16. and he was 19. while it was happening to me he whispered in my ear ” i’m going to marry you.” because he knew it was my first time, and my family was religious along with him and his family. i called my best online friend and talked to her about it and she told me i was taken advantage of. i felt a lot of thing…i wanted to just feel something…i didn’t feel a thing. my mom was crazy about him and really wanted me to marry him. it was all happening too fast. i couldn’t stop anything. the next day he talked me into doing it again with him, he was super rough with me, it hurt, after the 2nd time i knew i didn’t wanna do it again… i stopped talking to him but he came over the next day. i wasn’t feeling good… i was bleeding, i thought it was my period, it also hurt when i peed. it wasn’t bad at that point. i him and i talked for a second than he started kissing me and touching me, i told him i wasn’t feeling good, and i was on my period and he didn’t care, i pushed him away and he got angry and left. that night… the pain got worst i couldn’t hold my pee in , i kept pissing a lot of blood. i have a fear of blood,, so it was a traumatizing experience. i texted him a lot , freaking out asking him if he had any stds or had slept with someone else. he told me he slept with some random girl about 1 month ago,,,off of tinder…. my heart dropped…he didn’t tell me this….he didn’t go to the doctor afterwards, because he didn’t feel sick. i started crying, he was hanging with his friends at night so he didn’t text me again after that, i stopped texting it after that, the pain was unreal, i had never felt this paing before. it got to the point where i had to sit in A warm bathtub,,,all alone,,,bleeding….for hours… i cried a lot…i texted my online friends but they didn’t get back to me fast. i sat there…in pain. feeling worthless…i wasn’t a virgin anymore…and at that moment i felt like a whore. i cried for a good bit. my friend got back to me a few hours later and we talked all night, she tried comforting me…i felt like i was dying. she talked me into telling my parents… so at 6 i told my parents,,, they were so angry…they took me to the doctor…i got check they gave me medicine, and i went back home. after that, it had been a month in the relationship with him, i felt used. i ended up breaking up with him, after i got back from the doctor. i didn’t wanna ever see him again, he gave me so much pain…and gave me an std, i was fucking 16. he told my parents all my secrets…they got so upset and angry at me, they ripped me a new one, he started spreading rumors about me as well, he was so upset, and called me fat and so many horrible things for breaking up with him. he had called me fat before in the relationship, because i got myself ice cream. but yeah, at this point my mom and dad were angry at me some of my irl friend i hung out with blocked me for breaking up with him. and only one stayed friends with me, but they just stayed my friend to report back to danny. they didn’t actually care. i was broken…from my first love and from danny…my ex 19 year old boyfriend. after that ,,, i texted my first love, the one who broke my heart and removed me from his life. he and i started talking again and he said he missed me and wanted me back….i stopped and cried….and told him what happened between danny and i….he was so angry and said ” what?? you slept with a guy you knew for 1 month?? rather than someone you were in a relationship with for 6???” he told me in a shakey voice ,,,he than throw up…i felt so gross…i felt like shit…he didn’t understand how much that actually hurt to hear…all did the entire time him and i were broken up was try to get over him but i was so stuck i was so low…all i wanted was to feel something, and all i got was a doctor visit and my parents hating me not being a virgin anymore and having to delete all my internet accounts, my only safe place.. i had to delete it because danny told my parents and he knew my parents would make me delete my only safe place…he knew he would take my safe place away. i was heartbroken, in pain, and just needing some comfort…and my first love threw up after hearing i slept with danny. ,my first love and i talked for a few hours about it, and ended up getting back together….it was great for a few days…but than he started treating me badly….he started…not wanting to touch me…he didn’t show any romantic interest in me….he treated me like was a whore, the next few months of 2019…went horribly. my first love and i were together….i tried hard in the relationship. it just got worst….but by 2019 October things got a lot better , my first love and i talked things out, and things are a lot healthier now, but i still think about this. a lot …my mom misses danny…she hates my first love. and talks badly about him. she never unfriend danny from facebook even when i asked her she just said ” it’s not your business” since danny , my mom and my relationship hasn’t been the same. i broke down the other day while in a fight with my mom, she pulled my hair and beat me up…i broke down… i cried…and asked her in the middle of her beating me up ” why didn’t you block him on facebook…?” and she didn’t answer. she still talks about him in a good light ..i’ll never see him as good. i never wanna see him again..

that’s my story..i don’t know if this counts as rape…but i can’t help but feel raped…i was 16 and danny was 19. i didn’t enjoy anything. i wish i had never happened. this is also a throw away account, don’t be scared to comment. i’ll still check the comments

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WYR

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

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