Amelia’s Story: Trust

Amelia’s Story: Trust

I grew up in a family that talked about sexual abuse. My father was a pastor. My mother worked with children often. I knew all the signs, or so I thought. The only thing they really didn’t mention to me is that it could even happen in the family. I was never warned about my father, because he was my father and a pastor. I was never warned about uncles and aunts, or my grandparents. But I still knew what to look for. Right? That’s the question i always asked myself.

My grandmother (my mom’s side) died from heart disease when she was just 55 years old. So, I grew with a grandpa who needed me sometimes. I was always there for him, as he was for me.

My grandpa took 7 of us grand kids to Orlando FL when i was 13 years old. We drove to Universal Studios and Disney World. The last leg of the trip was Bush Gardens I believe.

I was in the middle, 3 older, 3 younger. During our stay while at a hotel, my grandpa asked me to stay come to his room while on the way up in the elevator. He needed some help with something.

When I arrived at his room, grandpa was crying, and as any girl would, tried to comfort him. He held me for a while and then showed me a picture of grandma, when she was younger, about 18. He commented on her beauty and how he missed her so much. He then looked at me with tears in his eyes and asked me to stay with him that night.

I agreed, never once thinking I was in any danger. So I went back to my room and told my older brother that grandpa wasn’t feeling well and asked if I could stay. He didn’t care, was worried about grandpa so I took my stuff and headed to grandpa’s, the last night of our trip.

Back in grandpa’s room, he was still in tears, looking at the picture of grandma. He asked me if I knew who the most beautiful girl who ever lived was. I said grandma, and grandpa said close. She was #2.

“Amelia, I’ve been watching you all week, you are the most beautiful girl in the world, even more beautiful than grandma.” I was stunned, speechless, but also flattered. I was young, not realizing what he was getting at. I just smiled and said thank you.

Than, he looked at me and asked if I would do something for him, but you can’t tell anyone ever. I of course agreed, I trusted my 65 year old grandfather. He made me promise I would not say no and never to say a word, so I did.

That’s when he told me he was going to make love to me, so he could truly see my beauty, and show me how much he loved me. This was the first time I became nervous.

He pushed me on my back and kissed me, for a while. When I finally got a breath a told him to stop, but be quickly reminded me of my promise to him, and that God heard that promise.

I cried as he undressed me, licking my body like he was a dog. My mind soon left me and it felt like I was watching from above as my grandpa I loved and trusted, orally raped me, then undressed himself, and raped me throughout the night.

I remember waking up the next morning naked, blood all over the sheets. Grandpa was dressed, and he carried me to the bathroom and washed me bloody body clean. He kept apologizing for being rough with me, but blamed that on not having sex for 10 years.

Before he dressed me, he gave me oral sex on more time, and reminded me of the promise I made to him and to God. I slept the whole trip home, not fully understanding what had just happened. What promise did I make? I cannot go on at this time.

After my grandfather raped me, my world, as every survivors does, changed dramatically. Trust went downhill.

I remember never being alone with him again, but not even just that, being alone with men I always trusted. But that was impossible, and throughout my teen years, there were sexual advances by other family members.
Even my own father, the only pastor I’ve ever had, commented inappropriately towards me. He once said that if Lot’s daughters in the Bible were as beautiful as me, he was a lucky man.
Other times, he would tell me that how I dressed around him was a sin, that it tempted him and caused him to break the 7th commandment.
Then the worst happened, I was about 16. Asleep in the car next to him, he reached into my shirt and groped my breasts. I pretended to be asleep the whole time.
Other family members like uncles, slapped my butt, or looked down my shirt almost openly. My oldest brother offered my $50 for a “blow” when I was 16ish. An uncle, undressed and exposed his erect penis to me while on a family vacation. I believe I was 14. “You like that don’t you.” Yuck!
Just, many bad thing happened. Things that should never happen in “Christian” families, or any families for that matter.
Trust will never be the same, and I will always watch my children, ask them often if they’ve been alone with adults. I’m going to try to be proactive, let my husband hear my story too, so he can watch and know how much damage this all did to me, so even him, who I trust so much, never gets off track and tempted when, he should be a father, an uncle, and someday a grandfather who can respect a child’s body, and be trusted by others, always.



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