Amber Lee’s Story: He Anally Raped Me

Amber Lee’s Story: He Anally Raped Me

He was my boyfriend. We had a lot of sex—but usually at his parents’ because mine forbade us to in their house. I’d invited him over and since we weren’t allowed in my bedroom, we decided to watch a movie in the family room. Our ritual was to snuggle up a the couch under a blanket, usually with him spooning me. It was one of my favorite things to do.

On that day, I had my period, so even if we ended up alone, we couldn’t have sex. It was too messy, not my favorite thing. As the movie progressed, I felt him press hard against me. There was nothing I could do for him. My mom and sister were in other rooms on the same floor. I felt bad though and knew he’d most likely end up in the bathroom, taking care of himself. Then he suggested we try anal sex.

We’d discussed this before. I’d said no. I wasn’t comfortable with it. I was afraid it would hurt. So once again I told him no, I didn’t want to. He persisted. He was petulant and coaxing, rubbing himself against me. He wouldn’t drop it.

I should’ve gotten up. I should’ve told him to get out. But he was my boyfriend, my first love. I wanted to please him.

I relented and he pulled my bottoms down. He forced himself inside me without lubrication. It was incredibly painful. At first I tried to just go along with it, but I couldn’t bear it any longer. I told him to stop. He did not.

I should’ve hit him. I should’ve screamed for help. But I was embarrassed that I’d let him do it to me. I didn’t want to get in trouble.

Numbly, I lay there until he finished.

I limped to the bathroom, where his semen streamed out of me. I felt disgusted. I felt ashamed.

I didn’t tell anyone.

I continued the relationship for another year or so, until he cheated on me with another girl.

I never reported him.

I’ve only ever told a couple people. It’s been well over a decade, and part of me still blames myself. I have flashbacks occasionally. Recently I saw in the news that a teenage boy was raped by his basketball teammates. I am distraught for him. My own wounds have reopened.

To this day I have GI issues that I occasionally wonder are a result of the rape. I’m too ashamed to tell any doctor, though.

I trusted my attacker. At the time, I was so in shock, I wasn’t sure that what’d happened was rape. But now I know better. If I could turn back time, I would’ve yelled for my parents. They love me and would have protected me.

Most of the time, I’m okay. But it’s something I will always carry with me.

 

Author

WYR

When You're Ready.org is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories.

Related

Comments

  • Mr.misorgy July 01, at 07:08

    Girl you should come to me, I’ll give you a better anal destruction

  • Illstraightenyouup July 01, at 07:11

    Yeah your mistake for not even saying no, now you say you were after consenting for the act. It’s because of disgusting excuse of females that other females suffer, gtfo!

  • Mindak July 14, at 16:10

    Regret is not …. You know

  • noway August 18, at 08:43

    I limped to the bathroom, where his semen streamed out of me. I felt disgusted. I felt ashamed.

    This line is so- and why are the comments against the rules allowed?

  • TruthHurts September 08, at 19:15

    I agree with Mindak.

  • mrlhore November 10, at 13:15

    How is that rape ? You gave consent, just because you feel dirty and disgusted after does not make it rape.

  • Dickie November 11, at 01:19

    Tyler Thompson does that to his dog in Ft. Smith.

  • Ryse November 30, at 04:50

    Yo, you motherfuckers saying “it isn’t R*** clearly” didn’t read the part where she tolf him to stop. The second she told dhim to stop, ut he kept going, it was rape. Woman, go talk to a proffesional. Because if you’ve been holding it in this entire time, then it’ll only get worse.

  • Dick Beninya June 13, at 18:43

    FUcking HAWT

    I’ve ready this story 28 times.

  • BellsOn June 16, at 16:53

    Whenever I ass-rape a teenage girl, I cum buckets. Not surprised that semen was pouring out of you. He probably still fantasizes about it.

  • Billy August 29, at 09:12

    You took you pants down knowing he was going to ass fuck you. You knew it would hurt, maybe not to what degree, but you consented, when you ask, told me to stop, did he hear you, or did you whisper it, or umbel it amongst other words, If you told me stop fuck my ass, and he heard you, then yes, from that point on it was rape.

Post Reply


Warning: Illegal string offset 'rules' in /home/customer/www/whenyoureready.org/public_html/wp-content/themes/firenze-theme/functions/filters.php on line 222